JOSHUA AND ZAC BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)
SIAH runs off again.
JOSHUA sits on the ground.
JOSHUA
Oh figs… you are my downfall…
Silence.
JOSHUA stretches his back again.
Pause.
JOSHUA starts to hum in the tune of
“We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”
JOSHUA(cont’d)
(Singing:)
Oh give me some figgy – la la.
Oh give me some figgy – la la
Oh give me some figs and water
And bring it right here.
JOSHUA laughs at himself.
JOSHUA(cont’d)
I just invented a song.
(Singing:)
I won’t go until I get some
I won’t –
ZAC’s footsteps can be heard.
JOSHUA(cont’d)
I told you Josiah, I cannot leave my station. Can you please just –
ZAC enters.
ZAC
Who are you talking to?
JOSHUA, startled, jumps up.
JOSHUA
Who goes there!?
ZAC throws his hands to the sky.
ZAC
Zac.
JOSHUA
What?
ZAC
Zac.
JOSHUA
What?
ZAC
Zac.
JOSHUA
Wh –
ZAC
Zachary. My name. Zachary.
JOSHUA
Oh.
ZAC
Zachary. And harmless.
JOSHUA
What are you doing here Zachry and harmless?
ZAC
Is that a joke?
My name is just –
JOSHUA
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!?
ZAC
AHHH! I’m just –
I’m just –
I’m just –
JOSHUA
WHAT!?
ZAC
You are making me very nervous.
JOSHUA
Well I’m nervous too!
ZAC
So what should we do about that?
JOSHUA
TELL ME WHY YOU ARE HERE!
ZAC
OHMYGODOKIWILL!
I’M HERE TO…
I’M HERE TO…
JOSHUA
WHAT!?
ZAC
WHY ARE WE SCREAMING!?
JOSHUA
I DON’T KNOW!!!!
ZAC
(Suddenly not screaming:)
Maybe we should stop?
JOSHUA
NO!!!!!
ZAC
AHHHHH!!!
JOSHUA
WHO ARE YOU!?!?
ZAC
I ALREADY TOLD YOU!!!
JOSHUA
OH YEAH!!!!
ZAC
ZACHARY!!
JOSAHUA
AND HARMLESS!!!
ZAC
YEAH!!!
JOSHUA
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE!?
ZAC
TO GIVE YOU WATER!!!!
JOSHUA is suddenly calm and not on attack.
JOSHUA
Wait, you have water?
ZAC
What just happened?
JOSHUA
You just said you had water.
ZAC
You’re like a baby.
JOSHUA
Hey that’s not nice.
ZAC
You have a temper… or something. Can you even call that a temper?
JOSHUA
I know.
ZAC
You should get that checked.
JOSHUA
I’ve been meaning to.
ZAC
Why haven’t you?
JOSHUA shrugs.
JOSHUA
Haven’t gotten to it.