Cafe La Tragédie

Cafe La Tragédie by Jeffrey Lo (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

NUNES sitting in her favorite coffee shop.

She is working with amazing focus and diligence on her laptop.

She is typing away and sipping her coffee.

DAVE, a barista at the coffee shop approaches NUNES’ table to wipe the open area beside her.

DAVE smiles at NUNES.

NUNES: Hi.

DAVE: Hey.

DAVE finishes wiping up and exits.

NUNES takes another sip of coffee but realizes its empty.

NUNES gets up to order another coffee but before she can head to the register –

DAVE enters with a fresh mug of coffee.

DAVE: For you.

NUNES: Oh.

DAVE: I spotted yours was running low as I was wiping up.

NUNES: Wow. That’s what I call customer service.

NUNES takes her wallet out to pay DAVE.

DAVE: Oh, don’t worry about it,.

NUNES: Are you sure?

DAVE: It’s on the house. You’re a regular.

NUNES: That’s so nice. Thank you.

DAVE: Of course.

Beat.

DAVE: You’ve working hard.

NUNES: Am I? I mean. Yeah. I am haha.

DAVE: Yeah, you came in just after I started my shift and you’ve been at it at a pretty furious pace over there.

NUNES: Deadlines. You know how it is.

DAVE: Totally.

NUNES: I procrastinated – is really what it was – so a bit my fault.

DAVE: Now that – I reallyunderstand.

They share a laugh.

DAVE: Well I’ll let you get back to it.

NUNES: Right.

DAVE: Enjoy the coffee.

NUNES: Thanks again.

DAVE: You’re welcome again.

They share another nice laugh.
DAVE exits.

NUNES smiles to herself.

Beat.

NUNES drinks her coffee and gets back to work.

She jumps back into the same feverish pace as before.

Lights shift a tad darker.

DAVE enters out of uniform.

DAVE: Alright – well I’ll see you around.

NUNES: Are you off?

DAVE: Yeah, shift’s over.

NUNES: Already?

NUNES drinks her coffee.

DAVE: Already? It was a full eight hours.

NUNES: Has it been?

DAVE: Yeah! Have you not noticed?

NUNES: What time is it?

DAVE: Seven at night.

NUNES: Sev… I’m drinking coffee at –

NUNES looks at DAVE in fear.

DAVE: What?

NUNES looks at her empty coffee mug in horror.

DAVE: Are you ok?

NUNES looks at the dark night sky out of the coffee shop’s window.

Horror music starts to play.

Lights suddenly shift into crazy strobes.

The coffee shop falls apart and becomes NUNES bed.

NUNES lies in bed, eyes wide, muttering under her breath.

NUNES: I can’t sleep…. I can’t sleep… pleasepleasepleaseletmesleep. I WANNA SLEEEEEPPPPPSLEEPSLEEPSLEEPSLEEPSLEEPSLEEP.

The horror music grows.

NUNES begins to scream.

NUNES: CURSE YOU COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!

The horror music grows louder and louder and louder.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

American Ninja Warrior Tears

AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR TEARS BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

DREW waiting at baggage claim.

He rubs his eyes.

They are red.

DREW looks at the person next to him.

DREW:

Oh, don’t worry about me, I’m fine.

I just –

The flight was fine. Not bumpy at all or anything. Real smooth…

Are my eyes red?

Yeah.

I thought they were…

I’m fine. I’m fine.

I was just…

I was watching American Ninja Warrior.

Pause

And crying,

Yeah, I know. I was surprised when it happened to.

I mean, of course I’ve watched the show before but I haven’t really seriously paid attention to it.

And here, I was on the flight so I have nothing else going on but paying attention to the show…

And…

The thing about the show is…

It’s just a bunch of people supporting one another.
Like – intensely supporting each other.

It’s what I imagine a Crossfit gym to be like but less… scary. You know?

And I don’t know if it’s something wrong with me or just the state of the world or whatever but…

All of these people cheering each other on and supporting one another…

It got to me. I was in tears!

And sure it’s still a competition but you couldn’t see it from these athletes.

Or these crowds.

Everyone wanted everyone to succeed.

Starts to tear up.

And it was just nice… you know?

You don’t see that anymore…

Beat

In one episode, there was this 23 year old guy who was a teacher in Parkland, Florida.

Yeah, that one. Apparently he saved 30 kids’ lives during that school shooting

And here he was – just wanting to bring some joy to the school –

A ton of his teacher colleagues were there SCREAMING for him.

Just going BANANAS.

…

AND HE DID WELL.

All of that put together,

On the flight,

I just lost it.

Full on ugly crying at this point.

Oh god, it’s happening again.

I’m so sorry.

Spots his luggage.

Oh that’s mine.

Grabs his luggage from the belt.

Wipes his face of the tears all over his face.

Umm…

Yeah. I’m gonna grab a LYFT.

Nice to meet you.

DREW exits.

END OF PLAY.

Halftime

HALFTIME BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A high school basketball gym locker room.

COACH TURNER looks at his team.

He paces back and forth.

He stops.

He looks at his team.

He paces back and forth again.

COACH TURNER: Um…

He clears his through.

COACH TURNER: Ladies…

He thinks about what words to use.

COACH TURNER: Good news – I think we could have done better than that…

Pause.

COACH TURNER: Bad news – we only scored two points.

Pause.

COACH TURNER: And we’re playing basketball. If we were playing, I don’t know, Hockey we’d be in good shape but hoops… not so much. Look, I know that we’re playing in front of an empty gym and at this point the probability of us winning are scarily close to zero but… let’s just give it our best ok? Because… well look it would make me feel a whole lot better, alright ladies?

Beat.

COACH TURNER: I can’t believe I’m going to..

Pause.

COACH TURNER: My wife left last night. And I know that is way more information than any of you want or need… or is appropriate to tell high school students but I’m out of things to tell you guys to get you to do better and basically I’m resorting to… do this for me… Please?

COACH TURNER takes a deep breath.

COACH TURNER: I’m sure I’m going to regret all of that by… tonight. But here we are. Alright. Let’s all huddle up, put your hands in the middle… Four Points on three, alright? One… two… three.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

What Are We Talking About?

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

AURORA, working behind a bar.

On the other side of the bar, she spots BECCA.

AURORA approaches her.

AURORA: Hey.

BECCA: Hi.

AURORA: What can I get ya?

BECCA: The IPA, please.

AURORA: The whiskey?

BECCA: No, uh, the IPA.

AURORA: Oh sorry, couldn’t hear ya. You said the rum?

BECCA: No. I would like the IPA please.

AURORA: The –

BECCA: IPA. Please.

AURORA cracks a smile.

AURORA: I heard ya, I’m just messing with you.

BECCA: Oh.

AURORA: IPA on draft?

BECCA: Yes please.

AURORA fills up a glass and returns to BECCA with it.

AURORA: On the house.

BECCA: Are you sure?

AURORA: I said it didn’t I?

BECCA: Yes.

AURORA: And plus, easy choice for me to give a free drink to a girl whose easy to look at.

Pause.

BECCA: Excuse me?

AURORA: I’m just kidding. 

BECCA: Ok.

AURORA: I mean, I’m not. You are – in fact – easy to look at. I just don’t give free drinks to every girl.

BECCA: Ok.

AURORA: Just you.

Pause.

AURORA: So what are you doing here?

BECCA: Getting a drink. Trying to get a drink.

AURORA: I know that. And don’t say trying you have it right there. A drink. The IPA you asked for.

BECCA: Ok.

AURORA: So…

BECCA: So…?

AURORA: I think you owe me an apology.

BECCA: Ok, I’m sorr –

AURORA: And a kiss?

Pause.

AURORA: Kidding again.

BECCA: Really?

AURORA: I mean, notreally but… incomplete. I would like the kiss if you would like the kiss.

Pause.

AURORA: Like, I would only say you owe me a kiss if it was a kiss with consent.

Pause.

AURORA: Do you consent?

Silence.

AURORA: Wow… that was a really long time to wait to answer that. That’s not good.

BECCA: No I didn’t –

AURORA: You don’t want to.

BECCA: I didn’t say that.

AURORA: You want to?

BECCA: Didn’t say that either.

Pause.

AURORA: Ok…?

Beat.

BECCA picks up her IPA.

BECCA: This can be good… Maybe.

BECCA starts to drink her IPA.

BECCA: Mmm…

AURORA: Good?

BECCA: So far. Refreshing.

AURORA: That’s a good thing…

BECCA: That is a good thing…

BECCA scopes AURORA out.

BECCA takes another drink of her beer.

BECCA: I think I like it. Nice taste. Nice body to it.

BECCA drinks more.

AURORA – actually – is out of words.

BECCA: Hi.

AURORA: Hello.

Pause.

AURORA: Um.

BECCA: Yes?

AURORA: What are we talking about?

BECCA smiles, finishes her beer and starts to leave.

AURORA: Wait. Should I follow you?

BECCA turns around and shoots AURORA a look.

BECCA exits.

AURORA: Umm… I think so?

AURORA leaves her bar.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Rest Spot

Untitled

Stay Cozy

Have A Beer

HAVE A BEER BY Jeffrey Lo (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Spotlight up on SMUG MOTHER FUCKER.

SMUG MOTHER FUCKER smiles at the audience.

You know that smile.

SMUG MOTHER FUCKER: So. There’s something I should be doing. Something that probably involves all of you guys. Something all of you guys probably want me to do.

Pause.

SMUG MOTHER FUCKER: I could do that thing.

Pause.

SMUG MOTHER FUCKER: Or… I could –

Suddenly a huge neon sign above SMUG MOTHER FUCKER that reads “HAVE A BEER.”

SMUG MOTHER FUCKER gives that fucking smile again.

SMUG MOTHER FUCKER produces a beer from the ether.

SMUG MOTHER FUCKER opens the beer.

SMUG MOTHER FUCKER drinks it.

This entire, time – SMUG MOTHER FUCKER’s eyes are on us.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

The Aging Gamer

THE AGING GAMER BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

YANG, a 30 year old man, sitting in the food court of a mall.

YANG is playing his Nintendo Switch while eating a salad.

YANG: Shit… shit… shit…

A disappointed sound comes from the Switch.

YANG: Damnit. How do you – ? What am I doing wrong?

YANG shakes his head and continues to play.

DYLAN, an 11 year old boy, slowly approaches YANG.

DYLAN has one hand behind his back and Panda Express in the other.

After some time, YANG eventually notices DYLAN.

YANG: Oh! Hi.

DYLAN raises his hand up in response.

A brief silence.

YANG: Can I help you with something, buddy?

A brief silence.

DYLAN starts to slowly reveal his own Nintendo Switch.

YANG: Oh! You play Switch too?

DYALN nods his head.

YANG: Cool, man.

Silence.

YANG: Um… What’s your name?

DYLAN (Timid): Dylan.

YANG: Dylan. Cool. Nice to meet you.

DYLAN: … What game are you playing?

YANG: Me? Zelda. The new Zelda. Breath of the Wild? You heard of it?

DYLAN nods his head.

YANG: What about you?

DYLAN: Fortnight.

YANG: Fortnight? Cool. I mean. Of course. Lots of kids are playing Fortnight now. Do a lot of your friends play Fortnight?

DYLAN nods his head.

YANG: Cool.

DYLAN: But I don’t have that many friends…

YANG: Oh…

DYLAN: But Billy plays Fortnight.

YANG: Billy’s your friend?

DYLAN: Kind of.

YANG: Kind of?

DYLAN: He’s my brother.

Pause.

DYLAN: Do you want to play?

YANG: Do I wanna play…? Fortnight?

DYLAN: Do you have Fornight?

YANG: Um. I think so. Yeah. I think I downloaded it. I played it a bit but not too much.

DYLAN: It’s ok if you don’t wanna –

YANG: No! I do! We can! Sure sure sure.

DYLAN: I’m not that good…

YANG: That’s no big deal. Hold on, let me just – what’s your friend code?

DYLAN hands YANG his Switch.

YANG connects their Switches together.

YANG hands DYLAN back his Switch.

YANG: Alright, shall we - ?

DYLAN nods his head.

YANG: Cool.

They start to play.

After an unreasonably short amount of time –

YANG: Oh! Someone got me! Wait is that you?

DYLAN: Sorry.

YANG: No it’s –

YANG looks closer at his screen.

YANG: Are you dancing on my body!?

DYLAN gives YANG a wry smile.

DYLAN: Yeah.

YANG eats his salad as he watches the game finish.

YANG: Wha – Huh? You just – Wow!

DYLAN enters what looks like a gaming trance.

A victorious sound comes for DYLAN’s Switch.

YANG: Whoa…

DYLAN takes a few bites of his orange chicken and packs up.

DYLAN stands up.

YANG: You hustled me…

DYLAN: Good game. 

DYLAN puts his hands up for a high five.

Beat.

YANG, confused, reciprocates the high five.

DYLAN: Bye.

DYLAN walks away.

YANG: … bye.

END OF PLAY.

Guilt

GUILT BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights rise on asleep AARON in a hospital bed.

GEMMA sits next to him.

After a few moments, AARON wakes.

AARON: Gem…

GEMMA: Hey.

Brief silence.

GEMMA: How are you feeling.

AARON: Um. Like shit. To be honest.

GEMMA: I can imagine.

AARON: Yeah. Suicide will do that to you. Attempted suicide.

GEMMA: Right…

AARON: I’ll be fine though. So they say.

Silence.

AARON: Um. Can I ask you a question?

GEMMA: What?

AARON: Why are you here?

GEMMA: Why am I - ?

AARON: You left me.

GEMMA: You tried to kill yourself.

AARON: But you left me.

GEMMA: But you’re still someone I know.

AARON: So for every person you know that tries to commit suicide, you’ll rush to the hospital?

GEMMA: If I know about it, I’d think so – yes.

Pause.

AARON: Not cause I’m special?

GEMMA: Really? Is this the time?

AARON: Fine… Fine…

Pause.

GEMMA: Can I ask you a question?

AARON: Yeah.

GEMMA: Why did you do it?

AARON: Why did I try to do it?

GEMMA: Yeah. Sure. Fine.

AARON: Isn’t it obvious?

Pause.

GEMMA: Figures.

AARON: What?

GEMMA: It figures you would do this.

AARON: You asked a question and I answered honestly. What more do you want from me?

GEMMA: I want you to… I want you to not be such a fucking idiot.

AARON: Ouch. Harsh.

GEMMA: Harsh? LOOK AT YOURSELF.

AARON: Whatever.

GEMMA: Yeah, whatever.

A nurse walks by the door to checks in after hearing the loud voices.

GEMMA: I better go.

AARON: Yeah. You better go.

GEMMA packs her things up and begins to exit.

She stops at the door.

GEMMA: You cannot blame this on me. You made a choice. And regardless of whether or not it was a smart one – you will not put this on me. I will feel no guilt for the choices you make.

GEMMA exits.
AARON sits in his bed.

The sound of hospital beeping.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.