JEROME driving in his car.
He is driving at a regular, leisurely, freeway speed.
After some time passes, JEROME rolls up his window and turns on the air conditioning.
More time passes, JEROME turns on the heat.
More time passes, JEROME turns on the air conditioning.
More time passes, JEROME turns on the heat.
More time passes, JEROME parks his car and exits.
Blackout.
END OF PLAY.
Lights up on a door.
It reads “All Gender Restroom”
After a brief moment, we hear a flurry of running footsteps.
NUMBER ONE enters huffing and puffing.
NUMBER ONE: OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODINEEDTO –
NUMBER TWO: (Offstage): I GOTTA – I GOTTA – I GOTTA GOTTA GOTTA –
NUMBER ONE starts to open the all gender restroom but before they do –
NUMBER TWO waddles on huffing and puffing and sweating intensely.
NUMBER ONE pops up and looks at NUMBER TWO.
NUMBER TWO: I gotta –
NUMBER ONE: Me too.
Pause.
NUMBER TWO: But I really gotta –
NUMBER ONE: Me too.
NUMBER TWO: PLEASE –
NUMBER ONE: ME TOO!
NUMBER TWO: Number two…
NUMBER ONE freezes.
NUMBER ONE: Number two?
NUMBER TWO: Yes.
NUMBER ONE: Shit…
NUMBER TWO: Yes.
Pause.
NUMBER ONE: But I gotta pee!
NUMBER TWO: Me too! And –
NUMBER ONE: Shit…
NUMBER TWO: Yes!
NUMBER ONE: I didn’t mean – But… Yeah.
NUMBER TWO: Please?
NUMBER ONE: But I might in my pants!
NUMBER TWO: Me too! And yours is just –
NUMBER ONE: But I was here first!
NUMBER TWO: I know…
NUMBER ONE: But you’re…
NUMBER TWO: Exactly!
Pause.
NUMBER ONE hesitates.
NUMBER TWO: One of us better… It’s just a waste of –
NUMBER ONE: Ok fine, you go –
NUMBER TWO: THANKYOUTHANKYOU!
NUMBER TWO jumps to open the door.
It’s locked.
NUMBER TWO: WHAT!?
NUMBER ONE: Locked!
NUMBER TWO: Yes!
NUMBER ONE: Shit.
NUMBER TWO: (Defeated) Yes…
NUMBER ONE: Yes!?
NUMBER TWO: Almost…
NUMBER ONE: Shit…
NUMBER TWO: STOP SAYING THAT!
NUMBER ONE: SorrySorry…
The door opens.
NUMBER THREE enters from the restroom.
He sees NUMBER ONE and NUMBER TWO.
NUMBER THREE gives them a wry smile.
NUMBER THREE: Sorry. You don’t want to go in there.
NUMBER ONE and NUMBER TWO watch NUMBER THREE comfortably stroll away.
NUMBER THREE: Good luck!
NUMBER THREE exits.
END OF PLAY.
Lights up on a small hill in a big field.
NATALY is sitting near the top of the hill staring at the stars.
NATALY: It’d be nice if I could talk to you… Which one of you? Oh, any of you. Any of you stars would be a nice conversation companion I imagine… The way you can twinkle like that how could you not be good to talk to? You’re all just so beautiful. (Beat) Well actually… you might already be talking back to me! But in like… morse code. Are you talking to me in morse code?
NATALY squints to watch the blinks even closer.
NATALY: Oh what’s the use? What am I doing. I don’t know morse code. I couldn’t tell even if I wanted to. I guess I’ll just have to be happy with watching you twinkle. And talking to you. And waiting to… feel better. I guess.
NATALY sighs and lies on the ground, staring up at her friends in the sky.
After a moment, JOHN enters, walking backing in towards the hill.
Once he hits his spot on the hill, he sits down and brings out his telescope to look up.
What JOHN doesn’t realize, is he is sitting right next to NATALY.
As JOHN looks up at the sky with his microscope –
NATALY pops up – knowing she is no longer alone.
NATALY thinks of what to do for a moment.
NATALY: Hi.
JOHN jumps up startled.
JOHN: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
NATALY: Sorry!
JOHN: OHMYGOD!
In the ruckus, JOHN almost drops his telescope and juggles it a round –
JOHN: Oh!
NATALY: Oh no!
JOHN: Oh!
NATALY: Sorry!
JOHN catches it.
JOHN: Got it!
NATALY: Sorry.
JOHN: It’s ok.
NATALY: I just didn’t –
JOHN: It’s ok.
NATALY: You were sitting next to me and –
JOHN: Of course.
NATALY: I thought I was alone –
JOHN: Me too.
NATALY: But we weren’t.
JOHN: We weren’t.
NATALY: So –
JOHN: You said hello.
NATALY: Right.
JOHN: Of course.
Silence.
Beat.
JOHN: Hello.
NATALY: Hi. Did I already say I was sorry.
JOHN: You did.
NATALY: Ok. Cause I am.
JOHN: I know.
NATALY: Good.
JOHN: And it’s ok.
NATALY: Good.
Pause.
NATALY: What are you doing here?
JOHN: Me?
NATALY: (Genuinely startled) Is there someone else?
JOHN: No. It’s just me.
NATALY: Then yes, you.
JOHN: I’m here to –
JOHN indicates his telescope.
NATALY: Stars?
JOHN: Yeah. Stars.
NATALY: Right. Me too.
JOHN: Stars?
NATALY: Stars. They’re my friends.
JOHN: Your friends?
NATALY: Yes, my friends. What about you?
JOHN: I just, um –
NATALY: Are they your friends too?
JOHN: Uh… No. I just like to… Look at them?
NATALY: Oh… right right.
JOHN: So I guess I wouldn’t call that friendship.
NATALY: But It kind of is, actually.
JOHN: Oh?
NATALY: I mean it’s kind of like my friendship with them.
JOHN: But they don’t, like, talk to me or anything.
NATALY: Oh me either.
JOHN: Right.
NATALY: They don’t talk to me either. Of course.
JOHN: Of course.
NATALY: But I do talk to them.
JOHN: Right.
NATALY: Yeah.
JOHN: I don’t do that.
NATALY: Oh.
JOHN: So maybe no friendship between me and the –
NATALY: You should try it!
JOHN: What?
NATALY: You should try it.
JOHN: Talking to them.
NATALY: Yeah! Why not?
JOHN: Why… not…
NATALY: Yeah! Go on.
JOHN: Ummm…
NATALY: It’s quite nice, really.
JOHN: What do I say?
NATALY: Whatever you want.
JOHN: Whatever I –
NATALY: Whatever you can’t say to anyone else… but need to say to someone else… Perhaps?
JOHN: … right…
Silence.
JOHN steps forward.
JOHN: Ummm… Hi. There. Hi.
JOHN looks around and picks up his telescope.
JOHN looks through the telescope up to the sky.
Lights isolate JOHN.
END OF PLAY.
A spotlight on HEATHER in a chair.
She is on the phone with her cousin JOAN.
JOAN is on speakerphone.
HEATHER: Oh my goodness –
JOAN: I know right!
HEATHER: Who does that at the end of a date?
JOAN: Apparently this Bracco guy!
HEATHER: Jesus. That’s horrifying.
JOAN: It wasn’t so bad –
HEATHER: Joan –
JOAN: What? It wasn’t!
HEATHER: Please tell me you aren’t going to –
JOAN: It was just sort of funny.
HEATHER: ARE YOU GOING ON ANOTHER DATE WITH HIM!?
JOAN: I don’t see why not.
HEATHER: YOU JUST TOLD ME WHY NOT!
JOAN: Whatever, it was fine, he was cute. It’ll be a fun night if nothing else.
HEATHER: Oh I get it…
JOAN: Anyway – how are you doing! What have you been up to today?
HEATHER: Oh I’m fine. I’m just working on cleaning up my place. It’s been embarrassingly long since I’ve tidied up around here and let’s just say… things haven’t gotten out of hand.
JOAN: Oh I get it.
HEATHER: Yeah…
JOAN: You’ve been so busy with the project –
HEATHER: Exactly.
JOAN: So there’s no reason to be hard on yourself.
HEATHER: Of course. Of course.
JOAN: But how’s it going?
HEATHER: The project?
JOAN: The cleaning.
Beat.
HEATHER: Oh.
JOAN: Oh?
HEATHER: It’s going fine….
JOAN: How long have you been cleaning for?
HEATHER: I was actually cleaning for almost 3 hours before you called.
JOAN: Wow! So almost done.
HEATHER: (At an incredibly high pitch)Eh…..
JOAN: What?
HEATHER: Nothing.
JOAN: Facetime.
HEATHER: What? No,
JOAN: Facetime!
HEATHER: Why!?
JOAN: I WANT TO SEE!
HEATHER: BUT –
JOAN: But nothing. FACETIME!
Pause.
HEATHER: You know that moment when you’re cleaning… before it gets clean… when it gets… dirtier….
JOAN: FACETIME.
HEATHER: Oh fine.
HEATHER presses buttons on her phone.
A Facetime beeping.
Lights expand on stage.
HEATHER’s apartment is revealed.
It looks like a warzone.
JOAN picks up the Facetime call.
HEATHER: Here we are…
JOAN stares at her phone screen.
Silence.
HEATHER: See?
Silence.
HEATHER: Welcome!
Silence.
JOAN: What the actual fu –
Blackout
END OF PLAY.
In dark, the sound of a cellphone ringing.
As lights rise, Quang answers his cellphone.
QUANG: Hello?
ROGER: Dad.
QUANG: Oh, son.
ROGER: Hey dad.
QUANG: Is everything ok?
ROGER: Yeah.
QUANG: Did you get into an accident?
ROGER: What? No.
QUANG: Do you need money.
ROGER: No.
QUANG: Ok.
ROGER: Ok.
QUANG: Alright, I’ll let you go then.
ROGER: What?
QUANG: What?
ROGER: Do you have to leave?
QUANG: No.
ROGER: Then why are you hanging up?
QUANG: I don’t want to keep you.
ROGER: But I called you.
QUANG: Ok.
Pause.
QUANG: I’ll let you go then.
ROGER: But dad –
QUANG: What?
ROGER: Don’t you want to talk?
QUANG: About what?
ROGER: I don’t know.
Pause.
QUANG: No. Not really.
ROGER: Seriously?
QUANG: I have nothing to say.
ROGER: Nothing?
QUANG: I already asked you if you needed money.
ROGER: I don’t need money!
QUANG: Ok then, I’ll let you go.
ROGER: Ok fine.
QUANG: Ok, see you next time.
ROGER: Ok.
QUANG: Your mom wants to know when you are coming over next time.
ROGER: I don’t know, I’ll have to check.
QUANG: Ok.
A quick beat.
ROGER: Dad.
QUANG: What?
ROGER: I love you, dad.
Silence.
QUANG: Ok, I’ll let you get back to your things. Bye.
QUANG hangs up.
ROGER: … bye.
END OF PLAY.
BRIGITTE waiting for her friend LUISA by the front door of LUISA’S house.
BRIGITTE is wearing shorts and a crop top.
BRIGITTE: LUISA!
LUISA(Offstage):I’m coming!
BRIGITTE: We’re going to be late!
LUISA (Offstage):I’m coming! I’m coming!
BRIGITTE: We’ve got to go!
LUISA (Offstage):I know! One second!
BRIGITTE: One second from now is not now!
LUISA (Offstage):Stop being a smartass just shut up and wait.
BRIGITTE: Fine!
BRIGITTE paces about and fans herself.
BRIGITTE: It’s so hot!
LUISA (Offstage):Is it?
BRIGITTE: Radio said it’s the hottest day in the past three years!
LUISA (Offstage):Wow!
BRIGITTE: I’m going to stand by your AC. Call me when you’re ready. Hurry up.
BRIGITTE exits.
A brief moment passes and LUISA walks down the steps.
She is bundled up in a long pants, a sweater and a coat.
LUISA: Let’s go Brigitte!
BRIGITTE (Offstage):Coming!
BRIGITTE returns.
She sees LUISA’s outfit and freezes.
LUISA: Thanks for waiting for me.
Silence.
LUISA: What?
Pause.
BRIGITTE: What the hell are you wearing?
LUISA: I don’t know how to answer that question.
BRIGITTE: Aren’t you hot?
LUISA: Yes.
BRIGITTE: Then why are you wearing that?
LUISA: Oh. That’s easy to answer.
Silence.
No answer.
BRIGITTE: Well…
LUISA: I was feeling down today and I thought to myself how I always feel better during the holidays so I put on my favorite holiday season outfit and it made me feel better. So… I’m going to keep it on.
Silence.
BRIGITTE nods.
BRIGITTE: Well ok. You read to go?
LUISA: Ready to go.
BRIGITTE: I’ll put the AC on in the car.
LUISA: Thank you!
BRIGITTE and LUISA exit.
END OF PLAY.