Alone-ish

ALONE-ISH BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Larry’s diner – 9 PM.

TOMAS, a history teacher sitting alone.

Beside his cup of coffee is a copy of Haruki Murakami’s “Men Without Women.”

Beside his book is a set of fancy looking headphones.

TOMAS takes a sip of his coffee and picks up the book.

He opens the book from where his bookmark left off.

TOMAS takes another sip.

CLAIRE, a waitress at Larry’s diner enters.

CLAIRE: Hey Tomas, how’s it going?

TOMAS: Oh, hey Claire, going alright.

CLAIRE: Are you sure you don’t want any cream or sugar for your coffee tonight?

TOMAS: No not tonight.

CLAIRE: Ok…

TOMAS: Trying to cut down on the cream and sugar.

CLAIRE: Got it. You sure do like to –

TOMAS: Have a little bit of coffee with my order of cream and sugar? I know.

CLAIRE: Haha, ok. 

CLAIRE: How’s school going?

TOMAS: Not bad. Not good. Just… is. The kids can be tough sometimes.

CLAIRE: I can imagine.

TOMAS: But it’s been worse so – no complaints.

CLAIRE: Well your order should be ready soon. Just wanted to check in on ya.

TOMAS: Thanks.

CLAIRE: Enjoying the book?

TOMAS: Most of it.

CLAIRE: Better than barely any of it.

TOMAS: Exactly.

CLAIRE: Well I’ll be back when your food is ready.

TOMAS: Thanks Claire.

CLAIRE: Of course.

CLAIRE walks to her next table.

TOMAS goes back to his book.

TOMAS takes a sip of coffee.

He reads for some moments.

Then, BRIANNE a 14 year old high school freshman enters.

BRIANNE walks straight to TOMAS.

BRIANNE: Mr. Carter?

TOMAS looks up from his book.

TOMAS: Oh. Brianne. Hey.

BRIANNE: Hi.

BRIANNE: Can I sit here?

TOMAS: Um. Sure.

BRIANNE sits in the booth with TOMAS.

TOMAS: Can I do something for you?

BRIANNE: Nothing really.

TOMAS: Ok…

BRIANNE: It’s just, I pass Larry’s Diner all the time as I’m walking home from school and I see you here, like, all the time.

TOMAS: I like the food here.

BRIANNE: It’s pretty regular diner food.

TOMAS: Ok, well I like it here in general. Is there a problem?

BRIANNE: No, it just got me curious.

TOMAS: Ok.

BRIANNE: Do you come here often?

TOMAS: It sounds like you already know the answer to this.

BRIANNE: Right. So you’re really here every night?

TOMAS: Pretty much, yes.

BRIANNE: Why?

Pause.

TOMAS: I come here every night at around 8:45 – 9:00 PM. What are you doing walking home at that time?

BRIANNE: Newspaper.

TOMAS: What?

BRIANNE: The Cougar Tribune? I write for it.

TOMAS: Ok.

BRIANNE: It doesn’t write itself magically during school hours. We’re all working hard after school on it.

TOMAS: Till that late?

BRIANNE: Yeah.

TOMAS: When do you do your homework?

BRIANNE: I’m Hermione.

TOMAS: What?

BRIANNE: Harry Potter joke. Never mind. I do my homework when I get home. Obviously.

TOMAS: Ok.

BRIANNE: You didn’t answer my question. Why do you come here every night?

TOMAS: Why are you asking me?

BRIANNE: I know what you’re doing.

Pause.

CLAIRE returns with TOMAS’ order.

CLAIRE: Alright Tomas here is your regular order. Cougar scramble with extra spinach and extra feta.

TOMAS: Thank you Claire.

CLAIRE: You have a friend with you tonight?

TOMAS: Oh, Claire this is my student.

BRIANNE: Hi.

TOMAS: Claire, this is Brianne. Brianne this is Claire.

CLAIRE: Pleasure to meet you.

BRIANNE: You too.

CLAIRE: Can I get you anything Brianne?

BRIANNE: Oh, no –

TOMAS: Go ahead, I’ll take care of it.

BRIANNE: Oh. Well. A hot chocolate?

CLAIRE: Great. I’ll be back with that.

BRIANNE: Thanks.

TOMAS: Don’t worry about it.

Brief pause.

TOMAS: So you want to know why I come here every night.

BRIANNE: Yes.

TOMAS: And I want to know why.

BRIANNE: But I asked you first.

TOMAS: And I just bought you hot chocolate. So you owe me.

BRIANNE: What?

TOMAS: I don’t make the rules.

BRIANNE: What rules?

TOMAS smirks.

BRIANNE lets out a sigh.

BRIANNE: It’s just… Well. Don’t get mad, ok?

TOMAS: Why would I get mad?

BRIANNE: This isn’t me. This is everyone else.

TOMAS: Ok, sure.

BRIANNE: Well… everyone else at school says you’re super weird.

TOMAS: I’m super weird?

BRIANNE: That’s what they say.

TOMAS: Who?

BRIANNE: The upper classmen.

TOMAS: Upper classmen say a lot. Throughout history, upper classmen have always said a lot.

BRIANNE: They say that you don’t really interact with any of the students outside of class and they say you aren’t friends with any of the teachers.

TOMAS: How do they know that?

BRIANNE: They say you don’t hang out with any of the other teachers. You don’t even walk with any of them down the hall. You just walk around campus by yourself, wearing your headphones and carrying a book.

TOMAS: Ok…

BRIANNE: Thing is, I started to pay attention to it and they’re right. Everything they say is true.

TOMAS: Ok… And why did you start paying attention?

BRIANNE: Nope. Not answering that.

TOMAS: Why not?

BRIANNE: Because it’s your turn.

TOMAS: My turn?

BRIANNE: I don’t make the rules.

BRIANNE smirks.

CLAIRE enters with the hot chocolate.

CLAIRE: Here you go hon.

BRIANNE: Thank you.

CLAIRE: Let me know if you two need anything else ok.

TOMAS: Thanks, Claire.

CLAIRE exits.

BRIANNE: So?

TOMAS: Ok. Well… I think the reason I come here every day at around the same time is because… I like routine.

BRIANNE: Doesn’t everybody?

TOMAS: Most people.

BRIANNE: Ok, well most people don’t eat at the same place at the same time everyday.

TOMAS: True.

BRIANNE: So there has to be more there.

TOMAS: Ok…

BRIANNE: Is it her?

TOMAS: Who Claire?

BRIANNE: Yeah.

TOMAS: Her? No.

BRIANNE: Are you sure?

TOMAS: It might’ve been but – no.

BRIANNE: She’s cute.

TOMAS: She is cute. And really nice too. But also very gay.

BRIANNE: Oh…

TOMAS: Yeah, I had the same thought as you once I got to talking to her but alas – nothing to be done about that.

BRIANNE: I see… So what is it?

TOMAS: Umm… well… let’s see. I’m new to town. So I don’t really know anyone. So I have no one to eat with. And no one to recommend where I should eat so… this feels reliable.

BRIANNE: You’ve been new for three years.

TOMAS: You’ve done your research.

BRIANNE: Not really. Upperclassmen talk.

TOMAS: Those darned Upperclassmen... To be honest with this town is a bit atypical for my life.

BRIANNE: What do you mean?

TOMAS: This is my third year teaching here. I usually stay one.

BRIANNE: You only stay at schools for one year?

TOMAS: Yeah.

BRIANNE: Isn’t that weird?

TOMAS: It’s unusual.

BRIANNE: Why?

TOMAS: I don’t know. I guess I’m more comfortable that way.

BRIANNE: Alone?

TOMAS: Alone-ish. I like to go from small town to small town. Meeting a new set of people every year. New set of students. New curriculum. New Claire at the new diner.

Pause.

TOMAS takes a bite of his food.

BRIANNE takes a sip of her hot chocolate.

BRIANNE: I see.

TOMAS: Yeah.

BRIANNE: Are you making this up?

TOMAS: No.

BRIANNE: Doesn’t that get lonely?

TOMAS: Sometimes. But I think any kind of life gets lonely some of the time. Otherwise a person is probably not being honest with their own feelings.

BRIANNE: … So why did you stay here?

TOMAS: Good question.

BRIANNE: Are you going to tell me it’s my turn?

TOMAS: No, cause the answer to this one is quick. After this answer THEN it’s your turn.

BRIANNE: Ok.

BRIANNE takes a sip of her hot chocolate.

TOMAS: I didn’t read the contract.

BRIANNE: What?

TOMAS lets out a light laugh at how ridiculous this sounds.

TOMAS: I know. But it’s true. They hired me last minute. They were desperate for a new person to fill their history classes and I was desperate for a new place. So I signed real fast and at the end of the school year it hit me… I was contractually obligated to be here for three years.

Pause.

BRIANNE: That’s kind of stupid…

TOMAS: That’s actually really stupid…

TOMAS takes a bite of food.

TOMAS: So, tell me, why were you paying attention to me. Please don’t tell me something weird…

BRIANNE: No, it’s not reallyweird it’s just… I don’t know. I found myself in journalism class one night talking to the upperclassmen about how I was liking the school as a freshman and when they asked me which classes I liked I said, “Mr. Carter is pretty cool.”

Pause.

BRIANNE: And when I said that, they all got to laughing at me and I didn’t understand why. So I asked them what was so funny. And they said all these things about you and they even said that the rumor was… you were a creeper.

TOMAS: A creeper.

BRIANNE: Like you probably think of the girls inappropriately.

TOMAS: Is that right…

TOMAS lets out a sigh and sips his coffee.

TOMAS: Well you’re brave seeking out the creeper.

BRIANNE: I didn’t believe them.

TOMAS: Thank you.

BRIANNE: I didn’t believe them and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. I wanted to know who you really were because in English class, you are really cool and really passionate and it feels like you understand people like me.

TOMAS: And so instead of going along with what the upperclassmen have to say, you dug deeper to learn who I really am?

BRIANNE: I guess so, yeah.

Silence.

TOMAS takes this in.

TOMAS: Well. Brianne, I hope the world is filled with young people like you because if there is – we’re going to be in good shape. I’m sorry those kids laughed at you.

BRIANNE: It’s no big deal.

TOMAS: You’re right. It is no big deal.

TOMAS and BRIANNE share a smile.

BRIANNE finishes her hot chocolate.

BRIANNE: Well. I better get going. My dad’ll get worried if I’m too late.

TOMAS: Alright.

BRIANNE: Thanks for the hot chocolate Mr. Carter.

TOMAS: Thank you for the talk Brianne.

BRIANNE: Yeah.

BRIANNE stands from the booth.

BRIANNE: Cool.

BRIANNE exits.

TOMAS sits in silence.

CLAIRE returns.

CLAIRE: Everything ok Tomas?

TOMAS: Um. Yeah.

CLAIRE: Need anything else?

TOMAS: Probably the check pretty soon.

CLAIRE: Ok, I’ll be back with that.

TOMAS: Thanks.

CLAIRE exits.

TOMAS goes back to his food, his coffee and his book.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

Not Today

NOT TODAY BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

ROBIN, a barista at a hipster coffee shop finishes making a triple shot espresso latte.

She brings the drink to the bar.

ROBIN: Triple shot espresso latte with hazelnut syrup for Chad.

CHAD approaches the bar.

ROBIN: Chad?

CHAD: That’s me.

ROBIN: Here you go. Have a nice day.

CHAD: I hope to have a good night.

ROBIN starts to walk to the back to make another drink.

CHAD: Hey! I said I hope to have a good night!

Pause.

CHAD: Hey Barista with the booty! What’s your –

ROBIN: NO! NO CHAD! NOT TODAY! YOU HERE ME? NOT TODAY!

Silence.

CHAD backs away.

He takes a dollar out of his pocket to put in the tip jar.

ROBIN: Keep your fucking money, CHAD.

ROBIN throws the dollar CHAD.

CHAD looks around as the entire coffee shop is staring at him.

He quickly leaves.

Blackout. 

END OF PLAY.

Joshua (without Zac or Siah)

JOSHUA (WITHOUT ZAC OR SIAH) BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A lone guard, JOSHUA, outside the cave holding Jesus’ body. 

Silence.

JOSHUA shifts his body.

A moment passes.

JOSHUA shifts his body.

A moment passes.

JOSHUA cracks his neck.

A moment passes.

JOSHUA lets out a sigh.

JOSHUA looks at the large rock blocking the entrance to the cave.

                                                                        JOSHUA
                                                            (Looking to the sky, to God:)

Was all of this really necessary?

Like, really?

Look, I’m pretty sure I didn’t believe in him being your son or whatever but I do believe you have something to do with everything around us so you’re hands are dirty with this too…

And you’re not allowed to question me. Like aren’t I participating in this too?

I’ve had to wrap my head around my conscience and it’s clear.

I’m just doing my job here.

Guarding this cave.

If I don’t do my job, Pilate kicks me out of the guard and what will come of my family?

And plus, poor guy was dead when he came to me.

I had nothing to do with what came before.

I’m just here to guard his body.

So really, the way I think of it, I’m doing this Jesus guy a favor.

                                                            (Beat)

Ugh…
I’m hungry.

Couldn’t they have left me with some food?

If I was supposed to guard this place for three days the least they could’ve done was leave a guy some figs or something…

Budget cuts…

What I wouldn’t do for a couple of figs…

                                                            (Beat)

Was he really such a bad guy?

I guess I just… don’t understand what the big deal was.

Was he annoying?

Sure, kind of.

Always making such a scene every time he opened his mouth but were the things he said really that bad? 

Help people. 

Don’t cheat on your spouse. 

If you’re rich, give to the poor. 

Don’t be a liar.

Sounds like common sense to me.

Do we really need to murder a man in the most brutal way we’ve invented because he’s jumping on tables howling common sense?

It’s ridiculous.

                                                            (Pause, back to God)

You know, I was pretty down with Jesus and his teachings.

I was damn near a follower until he started calling himself the son of God.

Then I was like… nah, I’m good.

Still though…

Didn’t disagree with him.

Just kind of annoyed by him.

Definitely didn’t want him dead.

…

If people were really made in your image, someone made a big mistake cause there must be a defect.

                                                            (Sighs)

People are so stupid sometimes…

A moment of silence.

JOSHUA decides to sit down on the floor.

                                                                        JOSHUA (cont’d)

God I want some figs…

END OF PLAY.

Zac and Siah (Part 3)

ZAC AND SIAH (Part 3)
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

ZAC and SIAH after the crucifixion of Jesus.

SIAH

There was this moment, though, when he was hanging up there and it, like, really hit me… 

He’s going to die.

And I know that’s the whole point of a crucifixion, to kill someone. 

And I know that’s what he claims to have wanted.

But after he had to carry the cross up the hill like that… And all the screaming at him and the throwing rotten food at him… I just thought there might be a point where we’d all stop and go enough is enough!

You know?

                                                                                    ZAC breaks down into tears.

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

Hey, Zac are you - ?

Zac…

                                                                        ZAC

shitshitshit…

SIAH approaches ZAC to comfort him.

                                                                        SIAH

Hey man, I know your feeling… -

                                                                        ZAC

Damn him!

                                                                        SIAH

That was tough to watch…

                                                                        ZAC

Why did he have to do that?

                                                                        SIAH

Why’d he have to get crucified?

To forgive our sins, I guess…

I mean that’s what he told us again and again.

…

And again.

                                                                        ZAC

Whose sins?

                                                                        SIAH

All of our sins.

                                                                        ZAC

So to erase all of the bullshit that has ever happened in HISTORY?

                                                                        SIAH

I guess so, yeah.

                                                                        ZAC

Really?

                                                                        SIAH

You know how J Christ gets man. When he gets on a roll he just starts… saying shit. I think he meant it as a nice gesture for, um, all of us.

                                                                        ZAC

Ok, fine. But why THAT?  Was that really the only option? That was the only sin eraser he had in his back pocket? In order to metaphoricallyforgive us for our sins, Jesus had to hang himself on a cross and die? Couldn’t he just, I don’t know, stop at getting stoned? 

                                                                                    A brief silence.

                                                                                    Beat.

                                                                                    SIAH bursts into laughter.

                                                                        ZAC

What are you laughing about?

SIAH works real hard to not laugh. He is not successful.

                                                                        SIAH

Sorrysorrysorry.

                                                                        ZAC

Josiah!

                                                                        SIAH

I’m sorry!

                                                                        ZAC

What’s so funny?

                                                                        SIAH

It’s just…

I started thinking about...

                                                            (Pause)

I shouldn’t be laughing.

SIAH stops laughing for a half second then bursts out laughing.

                                                                        ZAC

I swear to God Siah, if you don’t tell me why you’re laughing I’m going to –

                                                                        SIAH
Crucify yourself?

                                                                                    Beat.

                                                                        SIAH

That wasn’t funny.

                                                                        ZAC

Too soon.

                                                                        SIAH

Definitely too soon…

My bad.

                                                            (Beat)

Ok, so like, as you were talking I just started thinking about…

Heh.

Remember the first time J told us?

                                                                                    Pause.

                                                                                    ZAC lets a small smirk

                                                                        ZAC

Yeah.

                                                                        SIAH

Jesus calls that meeting just outside of Caesarea. I don’t even remember what it was for.

                                                                        ZAC

A pep talk probably.

                                                                        SIAH

Well J’s pep talk quickly escalates to a pep rally. 

And then he really gets going –

                                                                                    SIAH starts to imitate Jesus.

                                                                                    ZAC mimics the crowd.

                                                                        SIAH

We’re going to love our neighbors!

                                                                        ZAC

Yeeeeeeah!

                                                                        SIAH

Cause we need to treat our neighbors the way we want to be treated!

                                                                        ZAC

Free love!!!!

                                                                        SIAH

We’re going to take all of the money from the rich!

                                                                        ZAC

Yeaaaaah!

                                                                        SIAH

And we’re gonna give it to the poor!

                                                                        ZAC

That’s us!!!

                                                                        SIAH

                                                            (With a slight shift in gravity:)

And I know I’m among people from all walks of life.

I am among thieves.

I am among prostitutes.

I am among sinners.

For we are all sinners.

I am among the people that the world’s systems have beaten down

And I am here to say that you are my brothers and sisters.

Each and every one of you.

Is my brother and my sister.

That’s right.

Man, woman, anything in between it doesn’t matter.

You are my brother.

You are my sister.

You are whatever you want to be with me.

                                                                        ZAC

                                                            (Getting into it now, as a fangirl:)

I love you Jesus!!!

                                                                        SIAH

                                                            (Pointing at ZAC:)

AND I LOVE YOU TOO!

                                                            (As Jesus, takes a deep breath:)
We live in a world of hatred, and inequality.

We live in a world that has pushed us to become people we do not want to be.

And I am here to tell you that I am here to save you all.

                                                                        ZAC

WOOOO!

                                                                        SIAH

I am here to take all of your sins and get them forgiven.

That’s right.

I am here to take all of your sins from your souls and put them in mine.

Because that is how much I love you.

And that is how much I believe in you.

                                                                        ZAC

                                                            (As himself:)

It was honestly a hell of a speech.

                                                                        SIAH

And do you want to know how I’m going to do that?

How I’m going to forgive your sins?

I am going to Jerusalem.

I am going to be betrayed.

And I am going to be crucified.

                                                            (As himself:)

And as soon as he said that, Peter was like –

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?

                                                                                    SIAH bursts into laughter.

                                                                                    ZAC can’t help himself and is

laughing too.

                                                                        SIAH

We thought he was insane!

                                                                        ZAC

I mean, he kind of is, right?

Who says something like that?

                                                                        SIAH

Um. J Dot Christ does.

                                                                        ZAC                                                                

We all tried to shut that shit down but he was having none of it.

                                                                        SIAH

And then as if that wasn’t enough – he doubles down on it –

                                                                        ZAC

                                                            (Now taking on the role of Jesus:)

But don’t worry everyone.

I will die, yes. I will die on that cross.

For I am just man.

But don’t you worry. 

I will rise.

                                                                        SIAH

                                                            (As the crowd:)

Huh?

                                                                        ZAC

To prove to you all that these sins have been forgiven.

On the third day…

I will rise again…

                                                                                    SIAH, as the crowd, gasps.

                                                                                    ZAC laughs.

                                                                        SIAH

And Peter’s sitting in the back muttering – are you serious right now Jesus? You are going to come back to life? And I heard Mary Magdalene whispering, who do you think you are?

                                                                        ZAC

I will rise…

                                                            (Pause, then with dramatic flair:)

From the dead.

                                                                        SIAH

And I’m just sitting in the back while Peter, Matt and Mary are losing their minds thinking – WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS!? I mean, I know we’ve pulled off some crazy tricks before but this is some real shit! Hiding fish and bread and putting them into empty baskets for a million people – easy. Turning the water into wine, kind of complicated slight of hand but we figured it out.

                                                                        ZAC

That one was tough.

                                                                        SIAH

But I was like – RISING FROM THE DEAD?

That is real life!

We cannot help him with –

                                                                                    SIAH suddenly stops.

                                                                                    Beat.

                                                                        SIAH

Oh shit…

                                                                        ZAC

What?

                                                                        SIAH
Oh no…

                                                                        ZAC

Siah, what?

                                                                        SIAH

Zac…

I…

Oh god.

                                                                        ZAC

SIAH!

                                                                        SIAH

We need to help Jesus rise from the dead.

END OF PLAY.

Freshman Promise

FRESHMAN PROMISE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A college dorm common room.

HANS and BELINDA playing Super Smash Bros. 

HANS: Choose.

BELINDA: I am.

Pause.

HANS: I’m going to use the restroom.

BELINDA: K.

HANS exits.

BELINDA looks through all the characters.

HANS returns.

BELINDA: How’s your bladder?

HANS: Empty. How’s choosing your character?

BELINDA: Medium.

HANS: Ohmygodit’snotthatharddddd!

BELINDA: Stop pressuring me!

HANS: Hey. You can't just yell things like that to a guy in a public place like that!

BELINDA: You’re right.

HANS: Who knows what people will think of me?

BELINDA: BUT YOU’RE PRESSURING ME!!!

HANS: What are you - ? INTO CHOOSING A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER!!!!

BELINDA bursts into laughter.

HANS: It’s not funny!

BELINDA: You’re right.

HANS: Women are going through real shit!

BELINDA: Oh really? Tell me more.

HANS: And I don’t want to be associated with the shit!

BELINDA: Fine… fine…

HANS: Can you please choose?

BELINDA: There.

HANS: Really?

BELINDA: What?

HANS: The Ice Climbers? You’re going to choose The Ice Climbers?

BELINDA: There are two of them.

HANS: And both of them are useless.

BELINDA: And they are both cute.

HANS: Well how is cuteness going to help you in the game!?

BELINDA: I’m not good at this game anyway. So at least I get to look at two cute characters while I lose.

Pause.

HANS thinks that’s actually a good point.

HANS: Fine.

BELINDA: Oh, and look who hasn’t chosen HIS character yet.

HANS: I was waiting for you!

BELINDA: Uh huh…

HANS: STOP PRESSURING ME!!!

BELINDA: Oh but you get to say it!?

HANS: It’s not the same when I yell it to you.

BELINDA: Why not?

HANS: Because…

BELINDA: Because… what?

HANS: Because no one would believe you were pressuring me into…

BELINDA: Into… what?

HANS: Into…

BELINDA: Don’t worry. You can say it.

HANS: Into sex. No one would believe you were pressuring me into sex.

BELINDA: And why not?

HANS: Because people probably assume that if you told me you wanted to have sex with me that I would just have sex with you.

BELINDA: Right… Is that true.

HANS scoffs and goes back to the video game.

BELINDA: Hans.

HANS: I mean, it’s probably true for most straight guys to most straight girls.

BELINDA: But I’m asking you about me.

No response.

BELINDA: You don’t have to answer.

HANS: I don’t actually know.

BELINDA: Oh! Ok. An answer. An interesting one at that.

HANS: It has nothing to do with you –

BELINDA: (Sarcastic) I was so worried.

HANS: No seriously! It’s just… UGH!

BELINDA: What?

HANS: I - … Shit, I shouldn’t have started this because now I –

BELINDA: Have to say it.

HANS: Right.

Pause.

BELINDA: So say it…

HANS: I’ve actually never, um, done it before. Had sex.

BELINDA: Oh.

HANS: Yeah.

BELINDA: Ok.

HANS: So that’s why I don’t know if I’d just jump in if you were – I mean I know this is all a hypothetical but –

BELINDA: No, that makes sense. It’d be your first time.

HANS: Yeah… Did I make this weird?

BELINDA: No, I think I made this… whatever it is.

HANS: Hah.

BELINDA: But I don’t mind it.

HANS: I kinda don’t either. It’s kind of embarrassing though, don’t you think? Coming in to your freshman year in college still a virgin.

BELINDA: Seriously?

HANS: Yeah. Don’t most people have sex by at least their prom?

BELINDA: I didn’t.

HANS: Oh? So you waited till you got here –

BELINDA: Not sure yet.

HANS: Not… sure?

BELINDA: Think about it.

Silence.

BELINDA: I’m still a virgin too, dummy.

HANS: Oh! Ohhhh. Got it.

BELINDA: And I’m not embarrassed.

HANS: Oh. Cool.

BELINDA: Unless you think I should be embarrassed. Should I be embarrassed?

HANS: Um. No. Of course not.

BELINDA: Cool. And I don’t think you should be either.

HANS: Cool.

BELINDA: Shall we play this game?

HANS: Yeah.

BELINDA: K

A quick beat.

BELINDA: Actually.

HANS: Yeah?

BELINDA: What if –

BELINDA stops herself.

Silence.

HANS: What if… what?

BELINDA: What if we get to the end of the year and we’re still virgins? Should we be embarrassed then?

Pause.

HANS: You tell me.

BELINDA: I mean, no, but to be honest I kinda don’t wanna go back home a virgin.

HANS: Ok.

BELINDA: What about you?

HANS: Um. Not really, no.

BELINDA: Ok.

HANS: Ok, what?

BELINDA: Ok.

HANS: I don’t follow.

BELINDA: There’s nothing to follow.

HANS: Oh.

BELINDA: Yet.

HANS: Ok.

BELINDA: Here’s my proposal.

HANS makes an indecipherable sound in response.

HANS: Sorry.

BELINDA: What was that?

HANS: Unsure. Continue as you were.

BELINDA: Ok. So. School year ends in 4 months.

HANS: Right.

BELINDA: So that gives us 4 months to meet someone we wanna have sex with.

HANS: I’ve already met many people I wanna have sex with.

BELINDA: That want to have sex with us too.

HANS: Important clarification.

BELINDA: Now, if the 4 months pass and we’re both still virgins…

HANS: … we should have sex with each other?

BELINDA lets that sink in for a second.

BELINDA: Why not?

HANS: … I’m sure if we thought for long enough we could think of a why not.

BELINDA: Ok, sure but… should we?

Silence.

HANS: Yes.

BELINDA: Yes?

HANS: Yes.

BELINDA: Ok. I’ll draft up the contract.

HANS: Contract?

BELINDA: I’m kidding.

HANS: Got it.

BELINDA: So maybe we have sex with each other in four months?

HANS: Why not now?

BELINDA: What?

HANS: OhWowSorry! Mind got out of control there!

BELINDA: A little overeager there?

HANS: A little bit, yeah. Sorry.

BELINDA: It’s fine. Don’t be. But no. Not now.

HANS: Of course.

BELINDA: Right now I have to kick your ass with The Ice Climbers.

BELINDA picks up her controller.

Beat.

BELINDA: But maybe tomorrow.

BELINDA throws HANS his controller.

HANS is frozen.

The controller hits the ground.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

The Rothko

THE ROTHKO BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

APRIL and ADDIE in a museum.

APRIL is looking at a painting diligently.

It’s probably a Rothko.

It’s definitely a Rothko.

ADDIE sees APRIL from afar.

ADDIE looks at the painting.

ADDIE sneakily – but not really sneakily – moves in closer to APRIL.

ADDIE looks at APRIL again.

ADDIE is interested in what she sees.

APRIL has not yet seen ADDIE.

APRIL is still staring at the Rothko.

Silence.

A guy walks past APRIL and ADDIE.

ADDIE watches APRIL as the guy passes by.

APRIL doesn’t show the guy the light of day.

ADDIE thinks this is promising.

APRIL stares at the Rothko.

Silence.

A medium attractive guy walks past APRIL and ADDIE.

Again, ADDIE sees APRIL not give the medium attractive guy the light of day.

Again. Promising.

Again. APRIL stares at the Rothko.

Silence.

An Adonis of a man walks past APRIL and ADDIE.

ADDIE stares at APRIL intently.

Nothing.

APRIL did not notice the Adonis of a man,

Incredible.

APRIL tilts her head at the Rothko.

Beat.

ADDIE: Daaaaaaaamn!

APRIL: Excuse me?

ADDIE: Wasn’t that guy, like, super sexy?

APRIL: Huh?

APRIL looks back at the Adonis of a man.

APRIL: Um. Yeah. Not really my type though.

APRIL looks back at the Rothko.

Pause

ADDIE: What is your type?

APRIL doesn’t hear ADDIE.

Silence.

ADDIE slowly shifts her attention to the Rothko.

APRIL looks in ADDIE’s direction.

APRIL: Hey! Did you see The Rothko?

ADDIE: Oh I –

A Venus of a woman walks towards APRIL. 

APRIL: The Rothko’s over here!

A Venus of a woman goes to APRIL and starts making out with her. 

ADDIE: Uh, oh…

APRIL and a Venus of a woman are still making out.

ADDIE: Jesus. Ok…

ADDIE slowly exits.

Lights fade

END OF PLAY.

Zac and Siah (Part 2)

ZAC AND SIAH (Part 2) BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

After the crucifixion of Jesus

ZAC and SIAH sit on the ground shell shocked.

Silence.

SIAH: Well I can’t unsee that…

ZAC: I can’t believe it…

SIAH: That was certainly… a lot.

ZAC: Shit!

SIAH: I know… I mean he was just… (Beat)Hey Zac.

ZAC: What?

SIAH: Didn’t you think that they might get out of it?

ZAC: What are you talking about Siah?

SIAH: I kinda thought they might’ve been sharing a look.

ZAC: Who?

SIAH: Jesus and the thief.

ZAC: Which one?

SIAH: The thief. The thief on the crossnext to Jesus on the cross.

ZAC: There were two of them on either side of Jesus.

SIAH: The thief!

ZAC: They were both thieves!

SIAH: Oh…. They were both thieves?

ZAC: Yes.

SIAH: Wow… Times are tough. What were their names?

ZAC: I don’t know.

SIAH: Wasn’t one of them named like… Dismas? … Dimas? …. Demas?

ZAC: I really don’t know Josiah. Thief 1 and thief 2.

SIAH: Hah. Thief 1 and thief 2. Well, I’m talking about the nice thief.

ZAC: Which one was the nice thief?

SIAH: The nice thief was the one sharing a look with Jesus.

ZAC: Did you know him?

SIAH: No.

ZAC: Then how do you know he’s a “nice thief”?

SIAH: Because of his eyes.

ZAC: What about his eyes?

SIAH: He had kind eyes. … That other guy. He had jerk eyes. Judas eyes.

ZAC: Fuck that guy.

SIAH: You know my sister thought he was cute, Judas.She was asking me all about him and I told her – Nah Aria. Stay away from him. You don’t want a part of that. Aria said, “Why? What do you know?” And I said look at Judas’ eyes. You can just tell. You don’t wanna spend the rest of your life with eyes like that. Wake up in the morning and boom – there are those eyes. Just staring at you. (Scoffs:)Judas…

ZAC: Fuck that guy.

Quick beat.

SIAH: Anyway, kind eyes thief and J – I thought they had some sort of plan to get out of all this.

ZAC: You’re ridiculous.

SIAH: Nah, man, I’m serious! I thought they had something going on.

ZAC: And what made you think that?

SIAH: Kind eyes thief and Jeezy – they shared a look.

ZAC: So?

SIAH: Don’t you think that means something?

ZAC: I think it means they were both nailed to wooden crosses, both in a whole lot of paint and both about to die.

SIAH: And them sharing a look meant…?

ZAC: This really sucks.This thing we are going through right now… really really sucks.

Pause.

SIAH shrugs.

SIAH:  Maybe. 

END OF PLAY.

TFW

TFW BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

In darkness, a projection reads: TFW

Lights up on DANIEL in his backyard.

DANIEL takes out a nail clipper and begins to clip his thumb nail.

Clip!

DANIEL checks the nail.

Clip!

DANIEL checks the nail.

Clip!

DANIEL checks the nail a bit more closely.

“Maybe a little more,” thinks DANIEL.

Clip!

DANIEL lets out a quiet gasp.

DANIEL looks at his nail closely.

With fear, DANIEL feels the newly exposed skin.

DANIEL grimaces in pain.

Pause.

DANIEL: Damnit…

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Zac and Siah (Scene One)

ZAC AND SIAH (Scene 1) BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights rise on ZAC in front of his home. ZAC is crying.

After some time passes we hear a voice from afar.

                                                                        SIAH (Offstage)

Zac!
                                                            (Pause)
Zac!!!
                                                            (Pause)
ZAC!!!!

                                                                                    SIAH runs on stage.

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

                                                            (Passing ZAC as he screams:)

ZACHARY WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE!!!

                                                                                    SIAH runs past ZAC and offstage.

                                                                                    ZAC just continues to cry.

                                                                                    SIAH returns.

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)
Zac?

                                                                        ZAC

Hey.

                                                                        SIAH

Have you been here this whole time?

                                                                        ZAC

Yeah.

                                                                        SIAH

Like, how long would you say?

                                                                        ZAC

This whole time.

                                                                        SIAH

Like, did you see me run past you?

                                                                        ZAC

Yes.

                                                                        SIAH

Why didn’t you say anything!?

                                                                                    No response.

                                                                        SIAH (cont’d)

What are you doing out here?

                                                                        ZAC

I live here.

                                                                        SIAH

                                                            (Laughing:)

You live here. Very fu –

                                                            (Stops laughing:)

Wait are you serious?

                                                                        ZAC
Yes.

                                                                        SIAH

When did you move?

                                                                        ZAC

I didn’t move.

                                                                        SIAH

How long have you lived here?

                                                                        ZAC

As long as I’ve known you.

                                                                        SIAH

But then why did I run past you when I was looking for you?

                                                                        ZAC

I don’t know.

                                                                        SIAH

But I’ve been to your house before.

                                                                        ZAC

You have.

                                                                        SIAH

But I’ve never been –

SIAH walks into ZAC’s house and immediately comes back out.

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

Well shit, I have definitely been here before.

                                                                        ZAC

Yeah.

                                                                        SIAH

That’s so weird.

                                                                        ZAC

I guess.

                                                                        SIAH
You’re distracting me from why I’m here.

ZAC! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE ARE LATE!! WE’RE GOING TO MISS IT! WE ARE GOING TO MISS JESUS’ THING!

Wait, are you crying? You’re crying.

                                                                        ZAC

Yes, I am crying.

                                                                        SIAH

Why are you crying?

                                                                        ZAC

Because Jesus is being CRUCIFIED TODAY JOSIAH!

                                                                        SIAH

Oh…

That…

Right…

AND WE ARE GOING TO MISS IT IF YOU DON’T GO BACK INSIDE AND GET READY TO GO!

                                                                        ZAC

Don’t you care?

                                                                        SIAH

Don’t I care? Of course I care. You have no right to question if I care, I am the one ready to be there for MY FRIEND. You’re the one sitting here catching a tan.

                                                                        ZAC

I am not catching a tan.

                                                                        SIAH

You know I’m kidding Zac.

                                                                        ZAC

Fuck you, Siah.

                                                                        SIAH
Hey…

No need to…

That’s not nice.

                                                                                    Silence.

                                                                                    SIAH looks around, unsure.

                                                                                   Pause.

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

                                                            (Somewhat carefully:)
Hey…

Umm…

We really are going to be late though.

                                                                        ZAC
I don’t want to go.

                                                                        SIAH
What?

                                                                        ZAC
I don’t want to go!

                                                                        SIAH
Why not?

                                                                        ZAC
Because I don’t know about you, Siah, but I’m not particularly looking forward to watching my friend die on a cross today.

                                                                        SIAH
I know but…

I mean, look, I’m not looking forward to this either.

Who do I look like? Judas?

                                                                        ZAC
Fuck that guy.

                                                                        SIAH
Seriously, fuck that guy.

…

But… -

                                                                        ZAC
But what?

                                                                        SIAH
This is what he wanted, isn’t it?

                                                                                    ZAC looks away from SIAH.

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)
This is what he said would happen.

He called it. And he obviously wanted to be right… right?

                                                                        ZAC
I don’t know.

                                                                        SIAH
Of course he wanted to be right.
Who wants to be wrong?
                                                            (Beat)
And even if we don’t want to watch our friend die – which NEITHER of us want to do – what he’s going through is like super scary and… I think our guy wants us there.

…

When we were walking with him from village to village and we’d get hungry. What would he get us?

                                                                        ZAC
Fish…

                                                                        SIAH
All of that fish. Delicious fish.

                                                                        ZAC
That fish was good.

                                                                        SIAH
So good.

…

We gotta be there for J the way he was there for us.

                                                                                    A brief silence.

                                                                        ZAC
You’re right.

                                                                        SIAH
Alright!

                                                                        ZAC
Jesus is doing this for us.

                                                                        SIAH
He is!

                                                                        ZAC
And even if I don’t agree with this –

                                                                        SIAH
We all thought it was pretty extreme…

                                                                        ZAC
He expects me to be there for him. We’ve been following him this long. I can’t stop now.

                                                                        SIAH
Atta boy Zac!

                                                                        ZAC
                                                            (Standing up:)
Alright.

                                                                        SIAH
Now go in there, put on something decent and let’s get going.

We’ll probably have to run up most of Calvary.

Seeing as how he got a head start and all…

But then again we’re not carrying a cross so you’d think we’d be faster.

I hear those crosses are heavy.

                                                                        ZAC
I’m going to go get ready now.

                                                                        SIAH
You do that. I’ll be out here.

                                                                                    ZAC starts to enter his hone. 

                                                                        ZAC
Siah.

                                                                        SIAH
Yeah?

                                                                        ZAC
Thanks for talking me into the right thing.

End of Scene.

Cleanse

CLEANSE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

On stage we see the inside of five separate rooms.

In the middle of the five rooms is a lobby type area that connects the four rooms.

In each of the rooms is a person.

A person with yellow paint on their face.

A person with red paint on their face.

A person with brown paint on their face.

A person with black paint on their face.

A person with white paint on their face.

All five of them are unhappy.

All five of them are working to clean the paint off of their face.

Time passes.

We watch them work hard and meticulously to clean the paint off their face.

Yellow pain, red paint, brown paint and black paint have some success cleaning their faces.

White paint has no success.

Time passes.

They continue to clean.

After some time brown paint gets frustrated and leaves their room.

They sit in a chair to breath.

After some time, red pain gets frustrated and leaves their room.

They sit in their chair to breath as well.

Time passes.

Red paint looks at brown paint.

Brown paint takes one of their cleaning wipes and starts to wipe red paint’s face.

It is wiping away parts of the paint that red paint could not wipe off themselves.

Red paint does the same for brown paint.

Black paint eventually gets frustrated and leaves their room.

Black paint sees what red paint and brown paint are doing and joins in.

Black paint is able to wipe away paint that brown paint and red paint could not.

Time passes.

Yellow paint gets frustrated and leaves their room.

Yellow paint watches red paint, brown paint and black paint.

After some time, Yellow paint joins.

Together, the four are quite effective.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Finally, white paint exits their room.

White paint has wipes barely any of their paint off.

Yellow paint, brown paint, black paint and red paint look at white paint.

Pause.

Yellow paint, brown paint, black paint and red paint start to work on cleaning white paint.

White paint cannot believe it but they are able to clean what seemed impossible to clean.

White paint starts to help wipe yellow paint, brown paint, black paint and red paint.

Time passes.

They work together.
Time passes.
They clean together.

Time passes.

Finally, they can see each other’s clean faces.

Without the paint, they see real faces.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.