JOSHUA (WITHOUT ZAC OR SIAH) BY JEFFREY LO
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A lone guard, JOSHUA, outside the cave holding Jesus’ body.
Silence.
JOSHUA shifts his body.
A moment passes.
JOSHUA shifts his body.
A moment passes.
JOSHUA cracks his neck.
A moment passes.
JOSHUA lets out a sigh.
JOSHUA looks at the large rock blocking the entrance to the cave.
JOSHUA
(Looking to the sky, to God:)
Was all of this really necessary?
Like, really?
Look, I’m pretty sure I didn’t believe in him being your son or whatever but I do believe you have something to do with everything around us so you’re hands are dirty with this too…
And you’re not allowed to question me. Like aren’t I participating in this too?
I’ve had to wrap my head around my conscience and it’s clear.
I’m just doing my job here.
Guarding this cave.
If I don’t do my job, Pilate kicks me out of the guard and what will come of my family?
And plus, poor guy was dead when he came to me.
I had nothing to do with what came before.
I’m just here to guard his body.
So really, the way I think of it, I’m doing this Jesus guy a favor.
(Beat)
Ugh…
I’m hungry.
Couldn’t they have left me with some food?
If I was supposed to guard this place for three days the least they could’ve done was leave a guy some figs or something…
Budget cuts…
What I wouldn’t do for a couple of figs…
(Beat)
Was he really such a bad guy?
I guess I just… don’t understand what the big deal was.
Was he annoying?
Sure, kind of.
Always making such a scene every time he opened his mouth but were the things he said really that bad?
Help people.
Don’t cheat on your spouse.
If you’re rich, give to the poor.
Don’t be a liar.
Sounds like common sense to me.
Do we really need to murder a man in the most brutal way we’ve invented because he’s jumping on tables howling common sense?
It’s ridiculous.
(Pause, back to God)
You know, I was pretty down with Jesus and his teachings.
I was damn near a follower until he started calling himself the son of God.
Then I was like… nah, I’m good.
Still though…
Didn’t disagree with him.
Just kind of annoyed by him.
Definitely didn’t want him dead.
…
If people were really made in your image, someone made a big mistake cause there must be a defect.
(Sighs)
People are so stupid sometimes…
A moment of silence.
JOSHUA decides to sit down on the floor.
JOSHUA (cont’d)
God I want some figs…
END OF PLAY.