OFFENSE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)
FOUR OFFENDED PEOPLE stand in front of a theatre.
They hold picket signs, protesting a production being done inside.
ONE: HOW DO YOU PEOPLE THINK IT’S OK TO DO A SHOW LIKE THIS?
TWO: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
THREE: WHY WOULD YOU PRODUCE THIS TRASH?
FOUR: THIS IS OFFENSIVE!
ALL: OFFENSIVE!!
ONE: THAT WOMAN IS HAVING SEX!
TWO: WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!
THREE: WHEN SHE’S ALREADY MARRIED!
FOUR: TO A MAN!
They all gasp.
ONE: MARRIED TO A MAN.
TWO: HOW DARE SHE!
THREE: HOW DARE YOU!
FOUR: HOW DARE THEY!
ONE: BOO!
TWO: BOO!!
THREE: BOO!!!
FOUR: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
They all keep booing for a while.
ONE: DO YOU PROMOTE THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR?
TWO: THIS SEXUALITY.
THREE: TWO WOMEN!?
FOUR: THIS INFEDELITY.
ONE: THE HORROR!
TWO: HOW DARE YOU PROMOTE THIS.
THREE: CLEARLY BY PUTTING THIS ON YOUR STAGE YOU ARE PROMOTING THIS BEHAVIOR.
FOUR: YOU WANT US TO ALL UP AND HAVE SEX WITH EVERYONE!?
They all gasp.
Then they all boo.
As all this commotion is happening, OLD SCHOOL THEATRE PRODUCER enters.
He hands all of the OFFENDED PEOPLE fliers for the show he’s working on,.
OLD SCHOOL THEATRE PRODUCER exits.
Suddenly the OFFENDED PEOPLE look at the flier.
ONE: OH!
TWO: AH!
THREE: NICE!
FOUR: WE SHOULD GO TO THIS!
ALL: YESSSSS!
ONE: INSTEAD OF THIS TRASH.
TWO: THIS TRASH PROMOTING SIN.
THREE: SIN AND LUST.
FOUR: WE WILL SUPPORT THIS!
OFFENDED PEOPLE all look down at their post cards.
ALL: SWEENEY TODD!
OFFENDED PEOPLE all raise their post cards to the sky like Sweeney’s razor blades as those really intense chords in THE BALLAD OF SWEENEY TODD plays.
Blackout.
END OF PLAY.