Lose/Lose by Jeffrey Lo

LOSE/LOSE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

ONE and TWO in a car.

ONE is the driver.

TWO is the passenger.

ONE: How are you doing today?

TWO: How would you like me to answer that?

ONE: What?

TWO: I am tired. How would you like me to answer you when you ask me how I’m doing today?

ONE: With the truth, I suppose.

TWO: You would like me to tell you that I’m tired?

ONE: I guess so, yeah.

TWO: So you want me to do be tired?

ONE: No, that’s not what I said.

TWO: But you told me you would like me to say I’m tired.

ONE: If you’re tired I want you to say you’re tired. Meaning, I just want you to tell the truth.

TWO: Are you calling me a liar?

ONE: No.

TWO: Then why are you telling me you would like me to tell the truth.

ONE: Because you asked –

TWO: If you didn’t think I was a liar, wouldn’t you assume I was telling the truth no matter what?

ONE: Look, you asked how I wanted you to respond when I asked how you were doing today.

TWO: And wouldn’t the basic assumption be that whatever I said would be the truth.

ONE: Maybe I didn’t want to make any assumptions. No matter how basic.

TWO: Because you think I’m stupid?

ONE: What!? NO!

TWO: Then why wouldn’t you just skip the basics with me like you would with anyone else?

ONE: I never said I would skip the basics with anyone else.

TWO: Would you?

ONE: I don’t know. Probably not.

TWO: Why are you sugar coating things for me? Do you think I’m mentally weak?

ONE: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

ONE hits the break.

TWO: What are you doing?

ONE: Maybe I’m the one mentally week.

ONE turns the car off and unbuckles the seatbelt.

TWO: Where are you going?

ONE: Away!

ONE leaves the car and slams the door behind them.

TWO sits alone in the car.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Carrying The Body by Jeffrey Lo

CARRYING THE BODY BY JEFFREY LO

 

Inside the cave.

                                                                                    ZAC and SIAH are walking, making

their way to Jesus’ corpse.

 

                                                                        SIAH

You turned the water into wine?

 

                                                                        ZAC

Yes.

 

                                                                                    SIAH bursts into laughter.

 

                                                                        ZAC(cont’d)

What are you laughing at?

 

                                                                        SIAH

I just never thought that trick would end up coming in handy a second time. 

                                                            (Beat)

I remember when we were practicing the trick – it must’ve been like 3 in the morning and we hadn’t figured it out yet. I was so tired and I was like Dude. J dog. Couldn’t you think of something easier? Like… when am I ever going to need this skill?

 

 

                                                                        ZAC

And we needed it again. And again for Jesus…

 

                                                                                    Beat.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Why did you think to give him wine?

 

                                                                        ZAC

I overheard your conversation.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Which part of it?

 

                                                                        ZAC

Most of it. But specifically the part where he said he had a drinking problem.

And that just a sip of a drink would set him on a tailspin.

 

                                                                                    SIAH stops walking.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Wait. Hearing that that guy had a drinking problem is what made you think to trick him into drinking?

That’s fucked up.

 

                                                                        ZAC

I’m not proud of it.

 

                                                                        SIAH

I didn’t think you had that in you.

 

                                                                        ZAC

I wish I didn’t have to do it but here we are.

Now come on Siah. We have to hurry up and get to the body.

 

                                                                                    Lights and sound shift.

                                                                                    ZAC and SIAH travel through the

cave.

 

Lights shift.

ZAC and SIAH are in front of Jesus body. For now, only ZAC and SIAH can see the body.

 

ZAC and SIAH stare at the body, stunned.

 

Silence.

Beat.

 

Suddenly, SIAH runs off to vomit.

ZAC doesn’t react. He can’t take his eyes off of Jesus.

 

ZAC starts to weep.

SIAH returns and stands next to ZAC.

 

                                                                        ZAC

                                                            (Screaming at Jesus:)

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!?

 

                                                                        SIAH

Zac…

 

                                                                        ZAC

IF YOU WERE DONE YOU SHOULD’VE JUST SAID YOU WERE DONE!

 

                                                                        SIAH
Zac what are you talking about?

 

                                                                        ZAC

Siah, why do you think Jesus did this?

 

                                                                        SIAH

To make a point?

 

                                                                        ZAC

To make a point? Or to give up.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Zac, what are you talking about?

 

                                                                        ZAC

Think about it. How many nights did we sit with Jesus while he screamed in frustration? Crying because we weren’t making any progress.

 

                                                                        SIAH
So?

 

                                                                        ZAC

How many times did Jesus wish he could go back to his childhood. Before any of this responsibility fell on him.?

 

                                                                        SIAH

I mean, doesn’t that just make sense?

 

                                                                        ZAC

How many times did Jesus say he wished he was done? Done.

 

                                                                        SIAH

We all wished we were done.

 

                                                                        ZAC

And if we wanted to be done, we could’ve just left. No one would’ve noticed.

But how could Jesus be done?

How could Jesus finish the job without losing face?

The only way out for him was to die.

And he was so done that he didn’t care.

 

                                                                                    Silence.

 

                                                                        SIAH

You don’t know that.

 

                                                                        ZAC

Then explain it otherwise.

 

                                                                        SIAH

He was just fucking around.

 

                                                                        ZAC

SIah –

 

                                                                        SIAH

Like he always did.

 

                                                                        ZAC

But did he ever fuck around about death?

Siah.

 

                                                                        SIAH
What?

 

                                                                        ZAC

Answer me. Did he ever fuck around about death?

About dying. Death for himself for us or for his enemies.

Did he?

 

                                                                                    Pause.

 

                                                                        SIAH

No.

 

                                                                        ZAC
No.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Still, we don’t actually know.

 

                                                                        ZAC

But we have to do our best to make sense of it ourselves.

Cause God knows he’s not answering any questions.

 

                                                                        SIAH

I mean…

 

                                                                        ZAC

What?

 

                                                                        SIAH

We don’t know that he won’t answer any –

 

                                                                        ZAC

Are you kidding me!?

 

                                                                        SIAH
What!?

 

                                                                        ZAC

You are ridiculous!

 

                                                                        SIAH

I’m just saying. We don’t know anything until we actually try it…

 

                                                                        ZAC

And what, exactly, are you saying we should try?

 

                                                                                    ZAC stares at SIAH.

                                                                                    SIAH clears his throat.

                                                                                    SIAH looks at Jesus’ body.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Hey J Man….

 

ZAC throws his arms up in air.

 

                                                                        ZAC
You’ve got to be kidding me. 

 

                                                                        SIAH

Zac and I over here were just, you know, wondering…

Cause, like, you didn’t really warn any of us when you did it…

Ummm…

 

                                                                                    SIAH looks at ZAC

                                                                                    ZAC shakes his head.

                                                                                    SIAH looks back at Jesus’ body.

 

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

Could you tell us, if you don’t mind…

Why did you decide you to be crucified?

 

                                                                                    Silence.

                                                                                    Silence.

SIAH stares at Jesus’ body.

ZAC cannot believe what is happening.

Silence.

Beat.

 

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

Yeah, I don’t think he’s answering.

 

                                                                                    ZAC slaps SIAH upside the head.

 

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

OWWWWW!!!

 

                                                                        ZAC

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Look, I’m…

Sorry.

I won’t do that again.

It’s just… 

After the day we’ve had so far, that was bound to happen.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Gosh. First giving the guy with the drinking problem wine, and now this – I’m learning a lot about who you really under all that… other stuff.

 

                                                                        ZAC

Are you ok?

 

                                                                        SIAH

That hurt!

 

                                                                        ZAC

Are you ok?

 

                                                                        SIAH

I feel betrayed.

 

                                                                        ZAC

Will you be ok?

 

                                                                                    Pause.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Probably.

 

                                                                        ZAC

Ok, well we better not waste any more time in here.

 

                                                                        SIAH
You’re right. Regardless of why he did it – the fact of the matter is he is dead and we need the world to believe he rose from the dead. Because whether or not Jesus wanted to die, he definitely did not want his work to go to waste.

 

                                                                                    ZAC somehow produces a body bag.

 

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

HOLY –

Is that a body bag?

 

                                                                        ZAC

Yes

 

                                                                        SIAH

Where did that come from?

 

                                                                        ZAC

I brought it with me. Our plan is to transport a dead body so I brought my body bag, what’s surprising?

 

                                                                        SIAH

YOUR BODY B –

You just own a body bag?

 

                                                                        ZAC

                                                            (Nonchalantly:)

Yeah.

 

                                                                                    Pause.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Learning so much about you.

 

                                                                        ZAC

Hurry up, let’s get him in here and let’s go before Joshua wakes up.

 

                                                                        SIAH

And then to the Narzo Cave.

 

                                                                        ZAC

The Narzo Cave…

 

                                                                                    Lights and sound shift.

 

ZAC and SIAH work to put Jesus’ body in the body bag. It’s not particularly graceful. Let’s be honest, it’s probably quite comedic. What’s important, is that we don’t actually see any part of Jesus’ body yet.

 

Lights and sound shift.

 

                                                                        SIAH

Does he fit?

 

                                                                        ZAC

Of course he fits, we just have to get him in the right angle.

 

                                                                                    Lights and sound shift.

 

ZAC and SIAH lift the limp body bag and travel outside the cave.

 

Lights and sound shift.

 

                                                                        ZAC

Do you want the top of the bottom?

 

                                                                        SIAH

Which side is heavier?

 

                                                                        ZAC
I don’t know, do you want the top or the bottom?

 

                                                                        SIAH
Top.

 

ZAC and SIAH try to lift the body bag but SIAH quickly puts it down.

 

                                                                        SIAH(cont’d)

Change my mind. I want bottom.

Funny Seeing You Here by Jeffrey Lo

FUNNY SEEING YOU HERE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

TERRY sitting in an empty hotel lounge area.

TERRY sips on a cocktail as they read a book.

LES enters.

LES (under their break): Oh… Umm…

LES starts to turn away.

LES looks at their drink.

LES turns again.

TERRY looks up and sees LES.

LES fakes a casual pose.

TERRY: Les.

LES: Oh. Hi. Terry. Hi.

TERRY: Hi.

Silence.

LES: What are you doing here?

TERRY: Reading. Drinking. You?

LES nods to their drink and pulls out a an e-reader.

LES: Reading. Drinking. Same.

TERRY: Of course…

LES: Yeah.

Silence.

LES: This is actually my first time coming here since –

TERRY: Same.

LES: Really?

TERRY: Yes.

LES: Wow.

TERRY: I know. I thought enough time had passed and maybe –

LES: Wow.

TERRY: Yeah.

LES: I had the same exact thought.

TERRY: Right.

LES: And here we are.

TERRY: Here we are…

LES: Funny.

TERRY: Is it?

LES: Maybe?

Beat.

TERRY: Want a seat?

LES: I don’t have to. I mean, it’s empty.

TERRY: It’s always empty. That’s why we liked it here. That’s why it was –

LES: Our spot.

TERRY clears their throat.

TERRY: Yeah.

TERRY sips their drink and moves their bag out of the way.

TERRY: So if you want to take a seat, feel free.

LES: I could just –

TERRY: It’s such a wide open space, it’d be weird for us to take two different spots. Away from each other.

LES: It might be weird if I sat with you.

TERRY: Only if we let it be weird.

Pause.

LES: Right.

TERRY: Do you think we’ll make it weird?

LES: Not sure. What do you think?

TERRY: I can go either way.

Pause.

Beat.

LES takes a seat next to TERRY.

LES takes a sip of their drink.

TERRY takes a sip of their drink.

LES reads.

TERRY: How do you feel?

LES looks up from their book.

LES: What do you mean?

TERRY: How do you feel right now. Sitting here. Weird?

LES: No.

TERRY: Ok.

LES: You?

TERRY: Do I feel weird?

LES: Yes.

TERRY: No.

LES: Ok.

TERRY reads.

LES takes a sip of their drink.

LES reads.

TERRY takes a sip of their drink.

LES: So this isn’t weird?

TERRY: Not for me.

LES: And not for me.

TERRY: Ok then.

LES: A lot of time has passed.

TERRY: That is true.

LES: So this isn’t weird.

TERRY: Not to my knowledge, no.

Beat.

LES: So maybe we could –

TERRY: What?

LES: I was just thinking –

TERRY: What?

LES: Maybe we could try being friends… ?

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

TERRY: Let’s start with reading.

LES: You’re right.

TERRY: Reading and drinking.

LES: Yes. Reading and drinking.

TERRY and LES both take a swig of their drink.

TERRY and LES both read.

A short silence.

TERRY looks up from their book.

TERRY: But… Maybe.

LES looks up from their book,.

LES: I was thinking the same thing… Maybe.

END OF PLAY.

Notification by Jeffrey Lo

NOTIFICATION BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

An empty hotel room.

After some time, TYRA opens the door.

TYRA: Finally!

TYRA takes her phone out of her pocket and places it on the bedside.

TYRA dresses down to less layers. 

TYRA: God, it’s so hot!

TYRA unpacks her tablet and places it on the bed.

She takes a drink of water.

She unpacks her laptop and places it on the desk.

She puts her bag down by the desk.

TYRA: Alright…

TYRA checks the time on her watch.

TYRA: Three hours to myself…

TYRA playfully and with great gusto leaps in the air and belly flops onto her bed.

TYRA: ahhhh….

TYRA sinks into the soft mattress of the hotel bed.

After so little time it’s comedic – TYRA starts to snore.

Then – DING!

TYRA: Huh?

TYRA wakes up.

DING!

She sees the notification on her tablet.

TYRA: No thank you.

TYRA places the table on the bed stand by her phone.

TYRA tries to return to her snoring state.

DING!

TYRA: I said no thank you!

TYRA sees this notification is on her phone this time.

DING!

TYRA looks at her phone.

TYRA: Ugh…

TYRA places her phone on silent.

TYRA closes her eyes.

DING!

TYRA: What? But I –

DING!

TYRA realizes it is coming from her laptop.

TYRA: I am not getting out of bed –

DING!

TYRA: I am so comfy!

DING!

TYRA: I’m just going to ignore you!

TYRA sinks back into bed.

DING!

DING!

DING!

TYRA: UGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!

DING!

DING!

DING!

DING DING!

TYRA: Fine!

TYRA stomps out of bed and shuts her laptop down.

TYRA: Finally!

TYRA throws herself back into bed.

TYRA: GOODBYE WORLD!

TYRA lies down.

Then – so soft we can barely hear it – BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

TYRA rolls over, takes off her watch and throws it at the wall.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Are You Nervous? by Jeffrey Lo

ARE YOU NERVOUS BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Moments before a wedding.

OFFICIANT is sitting at a table, sipping a glass of water and reviewing his notes.

OFFICIANT yawns.

OFFICIANT sips more water.

OFFICIANT reviews more notes.

The Cousin of the Groom enters.

COUSIN OF THE GROOM: Hey.

OFFICIANT: Hi.

COUSIN OF THE GROOM: How’s it going.

OFFICIANT: Fine. Just reviewing my notes here.

COUSIN OF THE GROOM: Right… right… you nervous?

OFFICIANT: Not really. Should be pretty straight forward.

COUSIN OF THE GROOM: Alright well… good luck.

OFFICIANT nods to COUSIN OF THE GROOM as they walk off.

OFFICIANT goes back to their water.

OFFICIANT goes back to their notes.

MOTHER OF THHE BRIDE enters.

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: Ready?

OFFICIANT: I think so.

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: You sure?

OFFICIANT: I think so.

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: You nervous?

OFFICIANT: No.

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: Ok. We trust you.

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE exits.

OFFICIANT finishes their glass of water.

OFFICIANT stands to refill their glass of water and sees GROOM.

OFFICIANT: How you doing?

GROOM: Nervous. You?

OFFICIANT: Not really, no…

GROOM: Well shit…

GROOM begins to exit.

GROOM: Why aren’t you nervous?

GROOM exits.

Silence.

Beat.

OFFICIANT: Shit…

Beat.

OFFICIANT: Now I’m nervous.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Enter Title Here by Jeffrey Lo

ENTER TITLE HERE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights up on WRITER.

Again.

This time, he seems a lot more pleasant than before.

I wouldn’t say friendly.

But certainly more pleasant.

WRITER: Hi again. 

Fourth day in a row with me.

Yeah, I know.

What a drag.

Good news – head is feeling a lot better.

Can probably about giving this a solid try this time around…

You know, writing a play…

I do that…

I’m supposed to do that…

Umm…

Where to begin?

A title?

Yeah… a title…

A why?

A subject.

A tickle.

A title…

Hmmmmm…

The Blue Jay and the Robin

No, what’s that even supposed to be about?

I Am Thirsty –

No, that’s not a title, that’ just how I feel right now.

The Sun Also Rises

No. Taken.

100 Years of Solitude

No. Also. Taken.

Huh….

This is hard…

Hmmmm….

Please hold.

Lights fade. 

END OF PLAY.

The Throbbing Head (Part 3) by Jeffrey Lo

THE THROBBING HEAD (PART 3) BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights up on WRITER.

Again.

This time the light is more obnoxious than the others.

A spotlight probably.

A bright spotlight.

WRITER: No. No. No. Turn that off. Turn that off. Now.

Blackout. 

END OF PLAY.

The Throbbing Head (Part 2) by Jeffrey Lo

THE THROBBING HEAD (PART 2) BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights up on WRITER.

WRITER:

My head is still throbbing.

Oh, you thought it was done?

Me too.

Jokes on you.

Well.

Jokes on me.

Jokes on fucking me.

Thump thump thump.

24 hours.

Thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump…

To be continued.

Maybe…

Hopefully not.
Cause like…

This is terrible.

Real terrible…

END OF PLAY.

The Throbbing Head by Jeffrey Lo

THE THROBBING HEAD BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights up on WRITER.

WRITER:

My head is in insane pain.

It thumps thumps thumps

I lie diown

It continues to thump

So I turn to the other side

It thumps some more

So I turn to the other side

I wake

Oh shit

I have to do that thing before I –

Thump thump thump.

So here I am.

Talking about my throbbing head.

My thumping head.

My unhappy head.

Does this still count?

END OF PLAY.

Love Watching You Love by Jeffrey Lo

LOVE TO WATCH YOU LOVE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

 

A garage.

Jazz music plays in the background.

JOEL is sanding down a canoe that he is making.

He works quietly and meticulously.

After some time passes , EV, his wife enters holding a glass of water.

She enters just quiet enough that JOEL doesn’t notice her.

EV watches JOEL work.

Time passes.

EV continues to watch.

After some moments –

EV: You really love that one don’t you?

JOEL: I do.

EV hands JOEL the glass of water. 

JOEL: Thank you. Why?

EV: I just notice the look on your face while you work on it.

JOEL: I love all of the ones I work on.

EV: You look at all the ones you work on in that way.

JOEL: I’ve got to love it.

EV: Why?

JOEL: Exactly. If I don’t love it. Why do it? Surely not for the money.

EV: Definitely not the money.

EV and JOEL laugh.

JOEL: I love doing this. So I do it. And I try to do it well.

EV: I know honey. Well, don’t let me distract you.

JOEL: You’re not distracting me.

EV: Get back to work!

JOEL: Ok! OK!

JOEL gets back to work.

EV does not move.

EV continues to watch JOEL work.

After some time passes, JOEL finally notices EV is still there.

JOEL: Sorry, did you still want to –

EV: No. Keep working.

JOEL: Um…. Ok?

EV: I love watching you work. I love watching you do what you love. I love to watch you love.

EV smiles at JOEL.

JOEL nods and gets back to work.

EV watches JOEL do what he loves.

Lights fade. 

END OF PLAY.