Eat The Cake

EAT THE CAKE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

JARED and ALEX, are tasting a potential cake for their wedding.

ALEX takes a bite.

ALEX: Mmmm!

JARED: Do you think people like wedding cake?

ALEX puts a piece on the fork and tries to feed some to JARED.

ALEX: Try this one.

JARED: Like, I know people usually eat the wedding cake but don’t you ever notice how much of the wedding cake is left over?

ALEX: Jared.

JARED: Cause I’ve noticed A LOT of the wedding cake is usually left over. And trust me, I’ve been to a lot of weddings this summer.

ALEX: Jared.

JARED: I know, I know, you’ve been to them too. Seeing as how we went to them together.

ALEX: Honey.

JARED: And I clocked it. I noticed it. I noticed that there is always cake left over at the wedding. 

ALEX is still holding the fork to JARED’s face. 

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: People are leaving the wedding venue.

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: And they all pass by an entire table of cut up, destroyed, wedding cake.

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: Do they take the cake with them?

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: No.

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: They sure do take the centerpieces.

ALEX: EatTheCakeEatTheCake.

JARED: People sure love to take the centerpieces home with them.

ALEX: EatTheCakeEatTheCakeEatTheCake.

JARED: But maybe I’m just noticing this because we’re getting married. And we’re trying to figure out what we should do with our cake situation….

ALEX: Seriously?

JARED: And trust me, I take the cake decision very seriously –

ALEX: EAT THE CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JARED finally stops and pays attention to ALEX.

JARED: Did you say something?

ALEX takes the forkful of cake and smashes it in JARED’s face.

ALEX: Eat that. For god’s sakes. EAT THAT.

JARED takes a finger of the cake from his face and puts it in his mouth.

Pause.

JARED: Um. It’s ok.

ALEX throws her arms in the air.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

I Never Died

I NEVER DIED BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A bar.

FOSTER talking to someone at the bar.

FOSTER:

How old am I?

The right age.

If you’re interested that is.

If not then –

Don’t worry about it.

Just know that I’ve lived a life.

How old?

I told you I –

Ok.

But know that I’m not lying, ok?

Promise?

Ok.

I’m.

Um.

309.

Seriously.

Yeah, I know.

I look 28.

That’s just because – well. 

When I turned 28…

I stopped aging.

See, here’s the thing. I’m going to live forever.

Actually.

Yeah.

On my 28thbirthday I learned that the men in my family get a choice.

To live forever or age and die like everyone else.

See the thing is, I didn’t believe my dad.

Why would I?

It sounds like bullshit so I assumed it was bullshit.

And assuming it’s bullshit I told him – never age, duh.

10 years pass by…

And I realize…

I actually made that choice.

I’m actually going to live forever.

I’ve outlived every girl I’ve ever loved.

I’m going to outlive you.

…

…

Wanna get out of here?

END OF PLAY.

Happy to Be Here

HAPPY TO BE HERE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A family.

The town the family grew up in.

A nice park where the family is having a BBQ.

A BBQ after a wedding rehearsal dinner.

The family hasn’t seen each other in a while.

No words needed.

They are happy to be here.

END OF PLAY.

You Should Know

YOU SHOULD KNOW BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

LILY and MIA in the parking lot of a restaurant.

LILY: Thanks for dinner.

MIA: Thanks for joining me.

LILY: Thanks for asking me.

MIA: Thanks for saying yes.

LILY kisses MIA.

MIA: Thanks for that…

LILY: Likewise.

Silence.

They smile at each other.

Beat.

LILY: What’s on your mind?

MIA: Hm?

LILY: I saw you shift a little there. What’s on your mind?

MIA: Oh.

Pause. 

MIA: You should know –

Pause.

LILY: Yes?

MIA: You should know that I’ve hurt people before.

LILY: Oh.

MIA: Is that?

LILY: You should now that I’ve done the same.

MIA: You should know that I’m hoping to change that about myself.

LILY: You should know that I’m usually scared to fall.

MIA: You should know that you make me feel so amazing.

LILY: You should know that I’m not perfect.

MIA: You should know that I don’t want perfect.

LILY: You should know that my family will want to meet you.

MIA: You should now that my family is crazy.

LILY: You should know that I don’t make a lot of money.

MIA: You should know that I have roomates.

LILY: You should know that I’m late. A lot.

MIA: You should know that I’m always early. Annoyingly early.

LILY: You should know that I really want to give this a shot.

MIA: You should know that I’m excited to hear that.

LILY: You should know that this was only our first date.

MIA: You should know that I forgot about that.

They smile at each other.

They kiss again.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

"Good Life"

"GOOD LIFE" BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

An apartment hallway.

MATT sits on the floor smoking a joint.

After a quick puff, STEPH arrives and sits next to MATT.

MATT: Sup.

STEPH: Hey.

MATT offers up the joint.

STEPH: Nah.

MATT: You sure?

STEPH: Can’t.

MATT: Why not?

STEPH: Got a lot of shit to do tomorrow.

MATT: Ah.

STEPH: Yeah.

MATT: That’s what you said yesterday.

STEPH: It was true yesterday.

MATT: And today?

STEPH: Still true.

MATT: Bummer.

MATT takes a hit.

STEPH: I think it’s always gonna be true. For the forseeable future at least.

MATT: New gig?

STEPH: Yeah.

MATT: Weren’t you happy about the new gig?

STEPH: I was. I still am. It’s just…

MATT: Busy.

STEPH: I mean, yeah but I don’t mind it but… it’s different.

MATT: Got it.

STEPH: Yeah.

MATT: Like different in that you can’t smoke a joint with your homie anymore?

STEPH: At least for now.

MATT: For the forseeable future.

STEPH: Right.

MATT: But other than that - ?

STEPH: It’s alright.

MATT: Alright?

STEPH: I don’t know.

MATT takes a hit.

MATT: What?

STEPH: It’s just… I wanted this, right?

MATT: Yeah.

STEPH: And I feel like I earned it.

MATT: cause you did.

STEPH: Thanks.

MATT: But…

STEPH: I don’t know…

MATT: Is someone like, telling you that you didn’t earn it? Cause I’ll kick their ass!

STEPH: No it’s not that.

MATT: Good, cause you know I’ll do it.

STEPH: It’s just… people are just treating me different.

MATT: Like how.

STEPH: Like… I can do something for them.

MATT: Can you?

STEPH: I don’t even know! Maybe? But like… why treat me differently.

MATT: It comes with the territory.

STEPH: Right but it sucks.

MATT: Yeah, I can see how that sucks… Sorry dude.

STEPH: Yeah.

MATT: You know who will never treat you different though?

STEPH: Who?

MATT offers up the joint.

MATT: Me. Take a hit.

Pause. STEPH takes it.

STEPH: One.

MATT: My man…

STEPH takes a hit. Pause.

STEPH takes another hit.

Lights fade. 

END OF PLAY.

On Your Birthday

ON YOUR BIRTHDAY BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

CHAMPLIN sits on a chair and reads a book.

DING! goes his phone

CHAMPLIN checks his phone.

Someone sent him a Happy Birthday text.

CHAMPLIN smiles.

CHAMPLIN puts his phone away.

CHAMPLIN returns to his book.

DING! goes his phone.

CHAMPLIN checks his phone.

Someone posted a Happy Birthday! Meme onto his Facebook Wall.

CHAMPLIN shakes his head at it.

CHAMPLIN eventually gives in and laughs.

CHAMPLIN puts his phone away.

CHAMPLIN returns to his book.

DING! goes his phone.

Before CHAMPLIN can get his phone out –

DING! goes his phone.

DING! goes his phone.

DING goes his phone.

CHAMMPLIN looks at his phone.

The entire room starts to fill with the sound of hundreds of voices, familiar, unfamiliar and scary all yelling HAPPPPPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY!

CHAMPLIN starts to screammmmmmmmmm!

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Complications Singing Happy Birthday

COMPLICATIONS SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY BY JEFFREY LO (Download PDF Here)

A group of friends at a bar.

You hear “Happy Birthday!” All around.

Then “1...2...3!”

They all start to sing “Happy Birthday.”

They all sing “Happy Birthday” the way you expect a group to sing “Happy Birthday.”

Everyone, except one person.

One of the people SINGS it.

And I mean SANGS it.

Riffs, Belts, All of it.

Everyone stops singing and lets them finish.

Once they are done.

Silence.

Then one person breaks the silence with, “Seriously?”

End of Play.

Two People Talk

TWO PEOPLE TALK BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

TWO PEOPLE.

ONE: What are you –

TWO: Trying to do?

ONE: Yes.

TWO: Unclear.

ONE: Unclear?

TWO: That’s what I said.

ONE: I heard ya.

TWO: So why’d you ask?

ONE: Good question.

TWO: I know.

ONE: Cocky.

TWO: What?

ONE: Cocky.

TWO: Psh.

ONE: Psh, yourself!

TWO: Cool.

ONE: What?

Pause.

ONE & TWO: I’m confused.

Pause.

ONE & TWO: Stop finishing my sentences!

Pause.

ONE & TWO: I hate this!

Pause.

ONE: PLEASE STOP!

Pause.

TWO smirks at ONE.

END OF PLAY.

Miss You Like Crazy

MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

HASSAN at the front door of his old best friend’s home.

HASSAN:

Hey man.

Yeah.

It’s me!

Hassan.

I know.

It’s been…

A while.

And I’m sorry about that.

Super sorry.

I know I just fell off the map like that but –

I didn’t mean to

Do that

You know

Fall out of your life like that?

(Beat)

So I’ve been on Facebook a lot lately.

And you came up.

On my screen.

There you were.

And it hit me.

There’s a lot of people who were in my life.

Then I fell out of it.

Like after I saw you, I looked at that mutual friends section.

Then I looked at the suggest friends section and it was…

Crazy.

People I knew.

People I thought I knew.

People who were a big part of…

Me.

You.

You were a big part of me.

And I’m not going to be able to go back to all of these people I saw on Facebook

That would be impossible.

But you.

You.

I can come back to you.

Because you are my friend.

Still.

And you are important.

Still.

And I just…

I could use more friends.

If you could.

…

SO yeah.

Anyway.

Hi.

END OF PLAY.

Blankets

BLANKETS BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights up on an empty stage.

Silence.

A pistol falls from the sky with a WHAM!

A shotgun falls from the sky with a WHAP!

A sniper rifle falls from the sky with a BOOM!

An automatic assault rifle falls gently from the sky and makes no sound.

Silence.

Silence.

The sound of footsteps.

ERN enters.

ERN looks at all of the guns in front of him.

Silence.

ERN opens his mouth.

ERN cannot speak.

ERN does not know what to say.

ERN exits.

ERN returns.

ERN still cannot speak.

Silence.

ERN stares at the guns in front of him.

They won’t go away.

ERN exits.

ERN re-enters with a big blanket.

ERN with great fear, places the blanket over the guns, covering them.

ERN looks at the blanket on the ground.

ERN breaths.

ERN looks around.

ERN tentatively exits.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Then –

BOOM!

Blackout.

The sound of gunshots everywhere.

Then –

Silence.

Silence.

Silence. 

END OF PLAY.