Crock Pot

CROCK POT BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

LANCE, sitting on the floor.

An empty box to his side.

A row of items in front of him

LANCE looks at the row of items.

LANCE looks at the box.

LANCE looks to the sky.

LANCE takes a breath.

LANCE picks up the alarm clock.

LANCE: I’m sorry I wasn't always on time. I’m sorry I was late most of the time. You used this thing for so long even though it was so obsolete. It was probably obsolete when you bought it. Probably on clearance… You loved things on clearance…

LANCE puts the alarm clock in the box.

LANCE picks up the crock pot.

LANCE: Sorry I kept avoiding you when you told me you wanted to teach me how to cook. I kept saying I didn’t have time or I was busy… I had time. Of course, I had time. Your crock pot beef stew... God I wish I could have some of that right now. I should’ve spent the time to watch you. Learn from you. But instead…

LANCE shakes his head.

LANCE puts the crock pot in the box.

LANCE picks up a box of Chips Ahoy cookies.

LANCE (a brief laugh): I’m sorry I gave you so many packs of these. You loved these so much but really… I mean, you were diabetic. What was I doing? I mean, I wouldn’t hear the end of your complaints if I didn’t go out and buy you more but, I don’t know. I should’ve found you an alternative or something.

LANCE puts the box of Chips Ahoy cookies in the box.

LANCE picks up the full VHS collection of I LOVE LUCY.

LANCE: I’m sorry I watched this so many times with you… Seriously, I wish I had my time back. Why did we have to watch this so many times?

LANCE looks at the collections, smiles at it and puts it in the box.

LANCE picks up a picture of his mother.

LANCE: I’m sorry I wasn’t better. I’m sorry it’s too late. I’m sorry I probably won’t learn my lesson. But as of right now… I’ll try. I love you mama.

LANCE puts the photo in the box.

LANCE picks up the box.

LANCE exits.

END OF PLAY.

Passing Bechdel's Test

PASSING BECHDEL'S TEST BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A sidewalk.

MICHELLE and COURTNEY are walking in opposite directions.

MICHELLE trips and falls to her knee.

MICHELLE: Ouch!

COURTNEY rushes to MICHELLE.

COURTNEY: Oh my gosh, are you ok?

MICHELLE: Yeah, just hit my knee right on the pavement.

COURTNEY: Ouch. That must’ve hurt.

MICHELLE: Yeah…

MICHELLE rubs her knee.

COURTNEY: Do you think you need to go to the hospital or anything to get it checked?

MICHELLE: No, I think it’ll be ok.

COURNTEY: Ice?

MICHELLE: Yeah, I’m almost home so I’ll ice it when I get home.

COURTNEY: Alright.

MICHELLE: Thank you though.

COURNEY: Of course.

MICHELLE extends her hand out for a handshake.

MICHELLE: I’m Michelle.

COURTNEY: Courtney.

The two women shake hands.

MICHELLE: It’s nice to meet you.

COURTNEY: You too. Alright, well I better be off.

MICHELLE chuckles a little to herself.

COURTNEY: Why are you laughing?

MICHELLE: Oh nothing, just that earlier today I read about the Bechdel test.

COURTNEY: Oh yeah! I know about that.

MICHELLE: Yeah, so if we were in a movie or a play or something right now. We’d totally pass it.

COURTNEY: Right? Like women talk about more than just men.

MICHELLE: What a concept!

The two women laugh together.

Then...

WILL enters and starts walking towards COURTNEY and MICHELLE.

WILL is a total hunk.

WILL passes the two ladies and smiles as he walks by.

COURTNEY: Well, hello there Mr. Hunky…

MICHELLE: Yeah…

WILL exits.

Beat.

The two women realize what just happened.

Pause.

MICHELLE: GODDAMNIT!

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

About Timing

ABOUT TIMING BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

JACKIE at a party.

JACKIE is looking around the room.

JACKIE is looking for someone.

BILLY is also at the party.

BILLY is next to JACKIE, in fact.

BILLY is not the someone JACKIE was looking for.

But he brought her a beer.

So that’s nice.

JACKIE: How soon is too soon?

BILLY: What?

JACKIE: How soon is too soon?

BILLY: Do I get context before I answer this question or…?

JACKIE: To flirt with a guy.

BILLY (Drinks his beer): Well I think you can flirt with a guy whenever you want to.

JACKIE: But what if he’s –

BILLY: Married?

JACKIE: No.

BILLY: In a relationship?

JACKIE: No.

BILLY: Then what?

JACKIE: If you’d let me finish.

BILLY: Sorry.

JACKIE: If they’re newly single.

BILLY: Like they just got dumped.

JACKIE: Or they just dumped someone else, yeah.

BILLY: Hmm.

JACKIE: Yeah. How soon is too soon?

BILLY: I don’t know.

JACKIE: Cool. Very helpful Billy.

BILLY: It’s different for everyone I guess.

JACKIE (Playful nudge): Equally as helpful Billy.

BILLY: Haha, I’m just telling the truth. I don’t want to give you false information.

JACKIE: Yeah, yeah…

JACKIE sees someone. She lets out a gasp.

BILLY kind of notices but also kind of convinces himself he didn’t notice anything.

BILLY: Why do you ask?

JACKIE discreetly points in the direction of a gentleman who just arrived.

Trey.

JACKIE thinks Trey is dreamy.

BILLY: Trey?

JACKIE: Trey…

BILLY: Trey broke up with –

JACKIE: Or she broke up with him, I don’t know. All I know is that he is single.

BILLY: Got it…

JACKIE: The question is, is he ready to mingle?

BILLY: I mean… if it just happened.

JACKIE: Right but maybe he’s totally ready.

JACKIE’s eyes brighten up.

BILLY: What?

JACKIE: He’s looking at me.

BILLY: Is he?

JACKIE: Don’t look!

BILLY: Sorry!

JACKIE pulls BILLY so the two of them are looking at each other.

A moment passes.

BILLY: Wait, but if Trey is looking at you and we’re looking at each other in such close proximity to each other, won’t it seem like WE are interested in each other?

JACKIE: You’re right!

JACKIE quickly looks away from BILLY and looks at Trey.

BILLY is still looking at JACKIE.

BILLY: Well, is he looking at you?

JACKIE: Can’t you tell?

BILLY: You told me to not look at him so I’m still looking at you.

JACKIE: Oh. Well. Go ahead and look at him.

BILLY looks at Trey.

BILLY: Oh…

JACKIE: Yeah…

BILLY: He’s definitely looking at you.

JACKIE: Yeah…

BILLY: Is he waiving at you?

JACKIE: I think so.

BILLY: I think he wants you to go and dance with him.

JACKIE: I think you’re right!

BILLY: Are you going to –

JACKIE: NOT TOO SOON! WOO!

JACKIE rushes over to dance with Trey.

BILLY (Unenthusiastically): Woo.

BILLY waives at JACKIE as she goes off with TREY.

BILLY sips his beer, alone.

After a moment, DREW enters.

DREW: Billy!

BILLY: Hey man!

DREW: How’s it going?

BILLY: Meh.

DREW: Did you tell her?

BILLY doesn’t answer.

DREW: Come on man, the suspense is killing me! Did you tell Jackie how you feel about her?

BILLY (Pointing to JACKIE and TREY dancing): Ask Trey.

BILLY exits.

DREW watches JACKIE and TREY dancing.

DREW: But like… did he tell her?

END OF PLAY.

Snoozing My Lovely Alarm

SNOOZING MY LOVELY ALARM BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

JUSTINE and SARAH getting ready for bed.

SARAH: You promise?

JUSTINE: Yes!

SARAH: You promise, promise?

JUSTINE: Promise, promise?

SARAH: Do you!?

JUSTINE: Yes, yes. Sure. I promise, promise.

SARAH: You promise, promise to do what?

JUSTINE: Sarah…

SARAH: Say it!

JUSTINE: How old are we?

SARAH: If you’re really committing to this, I want to hear you say it out loud.

JUSTINE sighs.

SARAH: ‘Stine…

JUSTINE: Fine… fine… I promise to –

SARAH: Promise, promise@

JUSTINE: Oh my god. I promise, promise to… wake up in time to see the sunrise with you tomorrow.

SARAH: YAY!!!!!

JUSTINE: Are you happy now?

SARAH: Yes! But I take it back if you don’t wake up in time.

JUSTINE: I will!

SARAH: Good. We better sleep then.

In one swift and impressive motion, JUSTINE and SARAH yawn and fall into bed.

ZzZzZzZzZ…

Some time passes.

Then – earlier than anyone wants it to – SARAH’s alarm goes off.

After some shifting around, SARAH wakes up and turns off the alarm.

SARAH looks at JUSTINE.

JUSTINE is still fast asleep.

SARAH (Shaking JUSTINE): Babe.

JUSTINE (Turning away from SARAH): Mmm…

SARAH: It’s time to wake up.

JUSTINE: Mmmmmmmmm…

SARAH: Babe! Come on! We have to go out and see the sunrise!

JUSTINE: In a little bit…

SARAH: No. Not in a little bit. There’s no time for a little bit! The sunrise doesn’t wait for a little bit!

JUSTINE: How do you know the sun is rising.

SARAH: The app says so!

JUSTINE: Maybe the app is wrong.

SARAH: The app is never wrong!

JUSTINE (Turning away from SARAH): Mmmmm, let me sleep…

SARAH: JUSTIIIIIIIIINE!

JUSTINE: Pleaaaaaase.

SARAH: You promised!

JUSTINE: No, I didn’t

SARAH is stunned.

SARAH: What? Are you saying you DID NOT promise to wake up to see the sunrise with me?

JUSTINE: I promise, promised.

SARAH (Shaking Justine harder, kind of amused): Then come on! We’re gonna miss it!

JUSTINE: I’m still sleepy.

SARAH: I know but you promise, promised!

JUSTINE reaches over and starts tapping SARAH on the forehead.

SARAH: What are you doing?

JUSTINE (continuing to tap SARAH on the forehead): Snoozing you.

After a few more taps to the forehead.

JUSTINE rolls herself further into the blankets and falls deeper into sleep.

SARAH laughs to herself.

SARAH gives up.

SARAH gets up and leaves the room to watch the sunrise.

END OF PLAY.

That Scary Moment Before...

THAT SCARY MOMENT BEFORE... BY JEFFREY LO

(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

AJNA and a number of OTHER FOLKS wait at the bus stop.

Some folks read books while they wait.

Some listen to music.

Some, like AJNA, fiddle on their phones..

After a moment, the bus pulls up.

OTHER FOLKS put away their books, tablets and phones.

AJNA keeps futzing around on her phone.

A line forms to enter the bus.

AJNA starts to walk onto the bus she continues to twiddle her thumbs on her phone.

Then –

AJNA misses a step!

AJNA trips!

AJNA’s phone flies into the air.

Everything suddenly happens in slow motion.

AJNA’s face, OTHER FOLKS’ face, even the bus driver’s face widen in horror in slow motion.

NOOOOOOO!!!!

AJNA’s phone tumbles to the ground.

Everything restores to normal speed.

Everyone lets out a gasp.

AJNA looks around at everyone.

AJNA is so scared.

Everyone is holding their breath.

AJNA knows what she has to do but she does not want to do it.

The bus driver looks at her watch.

They’ve got to go.

AJNA nods her head.

AJNA slowly picks up her phone.

AJNA slowly turns her phone around to the screen side.

AJNA looks at the screen.

AJNA: It’s ok everyone! No cracks!

Everyone lets out a sigh and applauds for AJNA.

AJNA: Thank you for your support everyone! Dodged a bullet there!

AJNA looks up at the bus number.

AJNA: Oh.

AJNA steps off the bus.

AJNA: Actually, this isn’t my bus. Haha, I should’ve been paying closer attention! Sorry about that!

The bus drives away.

AJNA waits at the bus stop for the next bus.

AJNA looks around.

AJNA sighs.

AJNA gets bored.

AJNA takes out her phone and checks social media,

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

The Adele Effect

THE ADELE EFFECT BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

HEATHER sits in her apartment.

HEATHER looks at an old photograph, longingly.

HEATHER picks up her phone and plays a song.

“When We Were Young” by Adele plays on her speaker system.

As the song plays, HEATHER mouths the words.

To perfection, HEATHER mouths – every. single. word.

As would be expected, HEATHER gets emotional.

Very.

HEATHER picks up the old photograph.

That doesn’t help.

HEATHER is on the verge of tears.

About halfway through the song, BRITTANY enters.

Mind you, HEATHER is still mouthing – every. single. word.

BRITTANY hears the song.

BRITTANY sees HEATHER.

BRITTANY lets out a sigh.

HEATHER puts up her hand – let me finish the song.

At this point, HEATHER is crying.

BRITTANY sits down and waits till the end of the song.

HEATHER continues to lip sync the hell out of the song.

HEATHER’s eyes stay closed during the final moments of the song.

It’s heartbreaking.

It’s impressive.

It’s perfection.

At this point HEATHER is weeping.

Finally…

The song ends.

HEATHER opens her eyes.

HEATHER wipes away her tears.

HEATHER takes a deep breath.

HEATHER looks at BRITTANY.

BRITTANY: Why the hell do you do that to yourself?

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Millennial Artist of Color

MILLENNIAL ARTIST OF COLOR BY JEFFREY LO

(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

JAY, a millennial artist of color stands at center.

He is surrounded by four critics.

CRITIC ONE is an old white man.

CRITIC TWO is an old white man.

CRITIC THREE is a middle aged… white man.

CRITIC FOUR is an old white… woman.

JAY: Hi everyone. I really appreciate you all coming out here tonight and allowing me to share my work with you. It feels really wonderful to be able to share a part of me and my experience. It truly feels like we will be able to create a community of –

CRITIC ONE: Why is he treating us like his friends?

CRITIC TWO: I have no idea…

THE CRITICS scribble in their notebooks.

JAY: Do we have anymore folks coming? Or is it just –

CRITIC FOUR: It’s just us.

JAY: Right… got it. Can I ask a question?

CRITIC TWO: Yes?

JAY: Well, I was really hoping that this piece could speak to and reach my community and other people who share similar experiences as I do.

CRITIC TWO: Ok.

JAY: I was wondering, do your publications happen to reach out to the –

CRITIC TWO: Our publications are for mainstream consumption.

JAY: Right but in terms of specific outreach –

CRITIC TWO: If specific “communities” are interested in reading our publications. Nothing is stopping them.

JAY: … Ok. Well, before we get started I would love to give you all a bit of context. So –

CRITIC THREE: When will the real show start?

JAY: Excuse me?

CRITIC THREE: When should I start paying attention?

JAY: Um. I guess, now.

CRITIC THREE: But this isn’t the actual show.

JAY: Right, but I think it’s important I provide a bit of context –

CRITIC THREE: Why?

JAY: Because this piece explores my background as a Filipino-American –

CRITIC THREE: Do you think I can’t do my job?

JAY: I didn’t say –

CRITIC THREE: Do you think I didn’t do my research?

JAY: I’m not sure what you –

CRITIC THREE: Do you think I know nothing about the Filipino experience?

JAY: I mean… not as much as me.

CRITIC THREE: HUMPH.

CRITIC THREE scribbles in his notebook.

JAY: Um… well… fine. Ok, I guess, if you four already know about the, um, Filipino-American experience. I’d like to give you some context about some of the technology used in this piece –

CRITIC FOUR: Technology?

JAY: I’m sorry?

CRITIC FOUR: Did you say you are using technology in your art?

JAY: Yes, ma’am. I thought I might try and push the boundaries of what we are used to seeing as how young people like myself are always using our –

CRITIC FOUR: SIIIIIGGGGHHHH.

CRITIC FOUR scribbles in her notebook.

JAY: Um… Well… I hope you enjoy the show…

CRITIC ONE: I don’t understand!

CRITIC TWO: This has no meaning!

CRITIC THREE: Why would he assume HIS STORY is UNIVERSAL?

CRITIC FOUR: WHY IS IT SO LOUD?

CRITIC ONE: This is juvenile!

CRITIC TWO: They don’t know what they’re doing!

CRITIC THREE: Why must he shove his AGENDA down my throat?

CRITIC FOUR: Why was this written?

ALL CRITICS: GOODBYE!

THE CRITICS exit the stage.

JAY: I didn’t even get the chance to start…

JAY is left alone.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

Gold Medal Tired

GOLD MEDAL TIRED BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Four millennial co-workers sitting in their office break room.

ONE: I am so tired.

TWO: Me too.

THREE: Sooooo tired.

FOUR: I am like, literally, SO TIRED.

They all let out a sigh. 

ONE: I am so tired I could sleep for ten hours straight.

TWO: I am so tired I could sleep for eleven hours straight.

THREE: I am so tired I could sleep for TWELVE hours straight.

ONE and TWO look at THREE, half in shock, half impressed.

FOUR: I am so tired, a single hour of sleep would feel like heaven.

ONE, TWO and THREE look at FOUR.

That was a good one.

FOUR wins. 

FOUR: Today, I had to juggle three projects at the same time.

TWO: Yesterday, I stayed in till 9 PM to finish the two projects assigned to me AT THE LAST SECOND and then when I came back at 6 AM today, management called me in to dump ANOTHER TWO PROJECTS on me. 

THREE and FOUR are impressed…

That is a LOT of projects.

ONE: With the six projects Amy put on my desk on Friday, I spent the whole weekend here working. Friday was an all nighter. Saturday, I was fortunate to get two hours of sleep. Sunday, I was going to get some sleep but then my mom called me because she was having trouble connecting her wi-fi to her new iPhone.

 TWO, THREE and FOUR gasp. 

ONE: Yeah… so Sunday… well… I’m still hoping to get my Sunday sleep in at some point…

THREE: It’s Tuesday…

ONE: It is indeed Tuesday…

ONE wins that round.

 ONE: I bet, this week I’ll get called into my other job.

THREE: I have to work my other job regularly just to pay the rent.

ONE, TWO and FOUR groan. 

FOUR: Rent…

TWO: Tell me about it.

ONE: The Bay Area is getting ridiculous.

THREE: Getting ridiculous? It’s been ridiculous for ages.

ONE: I have to pay $950 to share a 2 bedroom apartment with FOUR people.

TWO: I have to pay $1300 for an in-law unit in someone’s house without a washer, dryer OR kitchen.

THREE: Does it include utilities?

TWO: HELL NO!

ONE: Sheesh…

FOUR: I pay $800 a month.

TWO: Where’d you get that deal?

ONE: That’s not too bad.

TWO: For a living room couch.

All four of them curse the Bay Area.

 THREE: I have to pay $2600 for the house I live in. Just to have a decent amount of space for me and my children.

Silence. 

ONE: You have children?

THREE: Yeah. You didn't know?

ONE: I must have been too busy and tired to pay attention.

TWO: How many?

THREE: Twins.

FOUR: TWINS!?

THREE: Twins.

Silence. 

ONE: Well, shit. You’re the most tired.

TWO: Yeah.

ONE: I can't have kids.

TWO: I just hate kids.

ONE, THREE and FOUR look at TWO - concerned.

TWO: I mean... "hate" is an exaggeration...

ONE, THREE and FOUR decide to let that one go.

FOUR: Yeah, I can’t deal with kids. I can barely deal with myself.

All four eat in silence for a moment.

All four let out a sigh. 

ALL FOUR: This talk was tiring…

All four look at the time.

All four get back to work. 

END OF PLAY.

March, Step Aside, March Aside

MARCH, STEP ASIDE, MARCH ASIDE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

An empty stage with only a microphone front and center.

After a brief moment, marching can be heard.

After another brief moment we start to see the march.

It is a peaceful march.

A march of solidarity.

A march of support.

A march of hope.

A march of revolution.

A march for women.

At the front of the march is WHITE MALE ALLY.

Behind WHITE MALE ALLY is MALE ALLY OF COLOR.

Behind MALE ALLY OF COLOR is MANY WOMEN OF DIVERSE BACKGROUNDS.

The march continues on.

The marchers display signs as they march.

Creative signs.

Clever signs.

Harsh signs.

Truthful signs.

Important signs.

Eventually the march surrounds the microphone.

WHITE MALE ALLY stands at the microphone.

WHITE MALE ALLY takes a piece of paper from his pocket.

WHITE MALE ALLY looks at his prepared speech.

Just before he starts his speech, WHITE MALE ALLY stops.

WHITE MALY ALLY turns around and looks at all of the marchers behind him.

WHITE MALE ALLY realizes what he should do.

WHITE MALE ALLY puts his speech away.

WHITE MALE ALLY steps away from the microphone.

Behind him is MALE ALLY OF COLOR.

MALE ALLY OF COLOR steps up to the microphone,

MALE ALLY OF COLOR takes a piece of paper from his pocket.

MALE ALLY OF COLOR looks at his prepared speech.

Just before he starts his speech, MALE ALLY OF COLOR stops.

MALE ALLY OF COLOR looks at all of the marchers behind him.

MALE ALLY OF COLOR puts his speech away.

MALE ALLY OF COLOR steps away from the microphone.

MALE ALLY OF COLOR and WHITE MALE ALLY walk to the back of the march.

They do not exit.

They move to the back.

MANY WOMEN OF DIVERSE BACKGROUNDS step forward.

MANY WOMEN OF DIVERSE BACKGROUNDS look at the audience.

MANY WOMEN OF DIVERSE BACKGROUNDS look at the microphone.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

Parking Space

PARKING SPACE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

ALBERT: Excuse me…. EXCUSE ME! I’m sorry I was just wondering if you happened to notice the fact that my left turn blinker was on. You know the blinker that was pointing towards that parking spot that you just drove into. I just wanted to ask because I didn’t want to make the assumption that you were being a complete ASSHOLE by ignoring that small little detail because you know what they say, assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME. Now, if you did happen to notice my bright yellow blinker flashing as if to scream, “I HAVE BEEN ROAMING THIS GODDAMN PARKING LOT FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS AND I HAVE FINALLY FOUND A SPOT” then I would like to remind you that you were being extremely inconsiderate and self centered by parking in the spot despite the joyous cries from the car and the car owner who rightly deserved the spot. Don’t get me wrong here, I am by no means trying to belittle you are whatever gifts you have to get those important to you in life – that’s what the spirit of Christmas is all about. But I don’t think you realize the magnitude of my gift. In case you don’t quite catch my drift here let me put this into perspective for you. Let me take your blind eyes and put some strong bifocal lenses on them so you can see clearly now. I, sir, must purchase a Christmas gift for the love of my life. Now don’t give me that “you’re too young to have met the love of you life” look because trust me I have. Have you ever chased after the same girl since you were in middle school? Well I have so BEAT THAT! Now, my friends and I play an innocent game of secret Santa every year and this year I have managed to rig the names in the hat to ensure that the name in my hand is that of my beautiful friend Janice. Now that step 1 has been successfully completed, all I have to do is pick out the perfect gift to turn my beautiful “friend” Janice into my beautiful “girl” friend Janice. How will I do that you ask? I will do that by getting her a beautiful diamond with 2 karat white gold to frame the sucker. Imagine the look on her face when everyone else gets gifts within the $5 secret Santa limit and she unveils that masterpiece. I know what you’re thinking, it’s too soon, she’s not even my girlfriend but I assure you it’s NOT too soon. I have been in love with this girl for five – count them – FIVE years. I am going to live like there’s no tomorrow and TOMORROW IS NOW. NOW if you would kindly back out of MY parking spot and let me enter the mall to purchase my future, that would be fantastic. THANK YOU AND HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS SIR!

End of Play.