A TURTLE AND A BEAR BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)
TURTLE and BEAR sitting somewhere you might find a turtle and a bear.
TURTLE: Do bears eat me?
BEAR: What?
TURTLE: Do bears eat me?
BEAR: What do you mean?
TURTLE: Do bears eat turtles?
BEAR: Oh.
TURTLE: I am a turtle.
BEAR: I see that.
TURTLE: Would you eat me?
BEAR: No.
TURTLE: So bears don’t eat me.
BEAR: Are you asking if bears eat turtles?
TURTLE: Yes.
BEAR: Why?
TURTLE: Because I am next to a large bear.
BEAR: Yes.
TURTLE: What?
BEAR: Yes. Bears eat turtles.
TURTLE: WHAT!?
BEAR: Beats eat turtles.
TURTLE starts to run away which – actually – is still a really slow walk.
TURTLE: LIAR!
BEAR: How am I liar?
TURTLE: You just said you wouldn’t eat me.
BEAR: I know.
TURTLE: But then you said bears eat turtles!
BEAR: I know.
TURTLE: So you’re a liar!
BEAR: No I’m not!
TURTLE: HOW!?
BEAR: Because I meant it when I said I would not eat you.
TURTLE stops running away.
TURTLE: You wouldn’t?
BEAR: No.
TURTLE: But bears eat turtles.
BEAR: Yes. But this bear would not eat this turtle.
Pause.
TURTLE: Why not?
BEAR: Because we’ve had a conversation… That’d be weird at this point.
Pause.
TURTLE: Huh.
Blackout.
END OF PLAY.