N.E.R.D. BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)
CHIVY sitting cross legged in the middle of a dog pound.
Dogs bark all around her.
Dogs jump through her.
CHIVY:
Oh, that was cool huh?
The dog jumped THROUGH me.
Like I’m not actually here.
How did that happen, you ask?
Because, I’m not actually here.
Well, no. Not totally true.
I am here.
But NOT here.
I’m not making sense.
Let me explain.
So – lesson one – when you die, you kind of just stay where you died.
Your physical being moves, but the rest of you – the important stuff – stays put.
You can imagine how crowded hospitals must get.
I can’t go to one in my current state but I imagine it’s miserable.
Me?
I died here.
A puppy pound.
I know.
Weird right?
Thing is, I don’t eat well.
Didn’t.
I didn’t eat well.
Like. Ever.
So… the heart attack was… ummm… bound to happen.
Anyway, I’d been feeling lonely of late and thought I needed some companionship.
So I came here to adopt a pup.
I walked in and one pup really spoke to me.
I looked at ‘em.
They looked at me.
They jumped up, tongue out, tail wagging.
I was so happy to meet them.
Then boom.
Heart attack.
Right on the spot.
Took a bit of time for an ambulance to get here.
By the time they did – too late.
Dead on arrival.
So hear I am.
With all of these here pups…
Mine got adopted the next day.
So ‘em picked right before my eyes…
…
…
I would’ve named ‘em Misty…
END OF PLAY.