MENU ITEMS AVAILABLE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)
Ten Star Louie’s.
CHRIS enters.
CHRIS: God I’m hungry.
CHRIS walks up to SHARON, behind the cash register.
SHARON looks at CHRIS, stone faced.
When she speaks to him, she speaks stone tongued.
SHARON: Welcome to Ten Star Louie’s, my name is Sharon, can I take your order?
CHRIS: Yes. Yes you can.
SHARON: Ok.
CHRIS: What do you recommend here?
SHARON: Everything.
CHRIS: Ok. Let’s see…
CHRIS checks out the menu.
CHRIS: What about a triple cheeseburger?
SHARON: One second.
CHRIS: What?
SHARON: One second.
SHARON looks back to the kitchen where DAVID, the cook is.
SHARON: DAVID!
DAVID: YEAH!?
SHARON: DO WE HAVE THE TRIPLE CHEESBURGER?
DAVID: WE’RE OUT!
SHARON (To Chris): We’re out of the triple cheeseburger…
CHRIS: Ok… What about the double cheeseburger?
SHARON: DAVID!
DAVID: YEAH!?
SHARON: DO WE HAVE THE DOUBLE CHEESBURGER?
DAVID: WE’RE OUT!
SHARON (To Chris): We’re out of the double cheeseburger…
CHRIS: Seriously?
SHARON: DAVID!
DAVID: YEAH!?
SHARON: ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
DAVID: YEAH!
SHARON (To Chris): Yes we are serious.
CHRIS: … Thank you. What about just a cheeseburger?
SHARON: D –
CHRIS: Actually. Allow me. DAVID!
DAVID: WHO ARE YOU!?
CHRIS: YOUR CUSTOMER. DO YOU HAVE A JUST A REGULAR CHEESBURGER!?
DAVID: …
CHRIS: I SAID DO YOU –
DAVID: I’M LOOKING!
CHRIS: SORRY!
SHARON: He’s looking.
CHRIS: I got that.
DAVID: I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE…
CHRIS: Really!?
DAVID: NOPE. I WAS WRONG. WE’RE OUT!
CHRIS: God damnit!
SHARON (Screaming into his face): WE’RE OUT OF THE REGULAR CHEESBURGER!
CHRIS: I HEARD!
CHRIS takes a moment to examines the menu closely.
CHRIS: That’s all you have on the menu…
SHARON turns around and examines the menu closely.
CHRIS: That is every item on your menu.
DAVID emerges from the kitchen and examines the menu closely.
DAVID: Huh.
SHARON: You’re right. That is everything on the menu…
DAVID and SHARON turn around and look at CHRIS.
CHRIS: SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL HERE!?!?!?
Silence.
DAVID and SHARON look at each other.
Beat.
DAVID and SHARON slowly exit the restaurant.
END OF PLAY.