SIX ASIANS ON STAGE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)
Lights up on Six Asian-Americans on stage.
First person is a Vietnamese-American Guy.
Second person is a Filipino-American Guy.
Third person is a Chinese-American Girl.
Fourth person is an Indian-American Guy.
Fifth person is a Japanese-American Girl.
Sixth person is… actually…. That’s the sixth person.
The six people look at the audience and after a moment, they smile in unison.
DING!
What lovely smiles!
ALL: We are Asians!
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: Asian-Americans!
FILIPINO-AMERICAN GUY: On stage!
ALL: Ooooooh!
CHINESE-AMERICAN GIRL: I know!
INDIAN-AMERICAN GUY: What a concept!
JAPANESE-AMERICAN GIRL: Of all different varieties!
ALL: Woooooooooow!
SIXTH PERSON: And –
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: Don’t!
SIXTH PERSON: What?
CHINESE-AMERICAN GIRL: Just stop…
SIXTH PERSON: Why?
FILIPINO-AMERICAN GUY: Seriously?
SIXTH PERSON doesn’t say anything.
The actors snap back attention to the audience.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: I am NOT Chinese!
FILIPINO-AMERICAN GUY: I am NOT Chinese!
JAPANESE-AMERICAN GIRL: I am NOT Chinese!
INDIAN-AMERICAN GUY: I am NOT Chinese!
FILIPINO-AMERICAN GUY (To INDIAN AMERICAN GUY): I mean… no one thought you were bro…
INDIAN-AMERICAN GUY: …. Right.
CHINESE-AMERICAN GIRL: I AM Chinese!
ALL: That is a CHINESE person. THAT. RIGHT. THERE.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY points to CHINESE-AMERICAN GIRL.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: Chinese.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY points to JAPANESE-AMERICAN GIRL.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: Not Chinese.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY points to CHINESE-AMERICAN GIRL.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: Chinese.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY points to JAPANESE-AMERICAN GIRL.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: Not Chinese.
JAPANESE-AMERICAN GIRL: They get it.
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: ... right.
INDIAN-AMERICAN GUY: I AM an Asian-American!
ALL: He is an Asian-American too!
INDIAN-AMERICAN GUY: Thank you!
SIXTH PERSON: I AM AN ASIAN-AMERICAN TOO!
The other six stare at SIXTH PERSON.
Silence.
SIXTH PERSON: What?
FILIPINO-AMERICAN: What the hell are you doing here?
CHINESE-AMERICAN GIRL: You’re white.
SIXTH PERSON: No I’m not.
INDIAN-AMERICAN GUY: Are you seriously going to lie about that?
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: I need to know who cast you.
SIXTH PERSON: Why?
VIETNAMESE-AMERICAN GUY: This play is called SIX ASIANS ON STAGE BY JEFFREY LO. If Jeffrey Lo found out you were cast in this he would not be happy.
FILIPINO-AMERICAN GUY: He’s a homie of mine and I can confirm, JLo would NOT be happy.
CHINESE-AMERICAN GIRL: You should go.
SIXTH PERSON: What?
CHINESE-AMERICAN GIRL: Seriously.
INDIAN-AMERICAN GUY: Go.
JAPANESE-AMERICAN GIRL: Or I’m gonna call the JACL.
INDIAN-AMERICAN GUY: or CAATA.
SIXTH PERSON quietly looks at the rest of the group.
He doesn’t want to go.
SIXTH PERSON: Are you sure I have to go? I just want to be a part of the crew!
The other five point to the door.
SIXTH PERSON: I just need work… You know how it is.
FILIPINO-AMERICAN GUY starts texting on his cell phone.
The other four don’t budge. Still pointing at the door.
SIXTH PERSON: I mean… I can pull off being one you guys! I mean look at my facial features. If you’d just open your eyes and –
EVERYONE ELSE: GET THE HELL OUT!
SIXTH PERSON: OK OK!
SIXTH PERSON runs out.
JAPANESE-AMERICAN GIRL: Thank God!
FILIPINO-AMERICAN GUY gets a text back.
FILIPINO-AMERICAN GUY: Alright, just heard from Jeffrey. He said we can go ahead and change the title of the play. FIVE ASIANS ON STAGE.
ALL: FIVE ASIANS ON STAGE!
Blackout.
END OF PLAY.